Anti-Bullying Campaign

 

Dear Blog.

My book “Within a Teenage Mind” has been selling well. I am pleased with the reception that the public has shown me since I published it.

My agent called me today and told me that an Stop Bullying organization heard of my book and then read it. They loved the story and the moral of how things get better. When they found out that the story was based off my Junior High and High School memories they said they had to meet me. They contacted my agent and she called me.

“They didn’t realize how young you were. They thought you were in your Thirties. They are actually very excited that you are a young woman who has found a successful life after the bullying." My agent said over the phone. “They want to invite you as a Guest Speaker to an Anti-Bullying Campaign Seminar they are offering in Philadelphia this December.”

“Really? I’m honored!! I would love to go, but how long is the seminar?”

“Just 4 days. December 6th to the 9th. There will be a closing session and get-together for other “survival stories on the 10th.”

“Oh…” I bit my lip as I thought it over. I had been saving up money for all the Christmas presents for our families and friends. I didn’t know how I could possibly afford to pay the plane tickets. “Gosh, I’m really honored they thought of me. I would really love to attend, but unfortunately I can’t afford a big expense like that…”

“Oh Desirae! You don’t have to worry about that! They are offering to pay for your plane ticket. You would leave on the 1st of December and return on the 13th. So you will be back in time for your wedding anniversary. I know that is an important date you wouldn’t want to miss!! I’m holding your reserved-tickets in my hand right now. You just need to confirm and they will be at your house by tomorrow.”

“Really? They are paying for my ticket? But that’s 2 weeks!!”

“They figured you might want to explore the city while you are there…”

“How many tickets did they send?” For a moment I wondered if they expected me to bring my husband.

“Just for you.” My agent sighed. “They apologized but the funding is limited and they could only afford to buy you a ticket from Mx to Philadelphia and back.” 

“That’s fine. I don’t think Gerry would be able to get off work on such short notice. School lets out on the 29th, so I’ll have time to pack!” I was almost jumping up and down from excitement! I couldn’t believe it was happening.

“One more thing…”

Oh no…how what?

“Yes?”

“They aren’t paying for any accommodations. You have to make Hotel reservations or if you like I could do that for you.”

“No, that is fine. I’ll stay with my family. My grandparents live an hour away from Philadelphia. I’ll visit them, but thanks for offering.”

 

She gave me my itinerary and then we hung up. I randomly started singing and dancing around the room. Luckily there weren’t any other teachers in the teachers-room. I can’ wait to tell Gerry!!

 

I’ll write again soon.

Desirae Valdespino

 

 

 

 

LiveJournal Tags: wedding,unexpected,trip,philadelphia,november,december,two,weeks,stop,bullying,campaign,excited,plane,tickets

His friends…

 

Dear Blog,

I rarely ever discuss my husband’s friends. I might mention them once in awhile, but I know I don’t go into depth about them. Most of his friends are old college friends or co-workers. He’ll go out for coffee with them or invite them over for dinner. I think most of the people I’ve met are more of “acquaintances” than close friends. Gerard has always been a friendly person, so it’s not hard for him to strike up a conversation with a random stranger. (I’ve always envied that about him. People flock to him)

I’ve come across people who think that homosexual men don’t have many heterosexual friends. I’ll admit that before I met Gerard, I used to think that too. However after meeting all his friends over the years I’d have to say that at least 80% of his friends are straight. 

Gerry has met all of my friends. I’m usually on the phone with them, Skyping or sending them old-fashioned-snail-mail letters. He gets along with most of my friends, maybe there is one or two who’s company he doesn’t enjoy, but in general he’s content with my crowd.

I’m usually also enjoy his friends, but here is ONE I really can’t tolerate; Antony. (name changed for obvious reason. lol)

Antony, “Tony”,  is straight and constantly changing girlfriends . He has known Gerard since Junior High School. (Which is like forever to them). Tony has a certain charm to him that makes girls drool. He isn’t exactly a Playboy, considering he is a successful computer technician, and only dates entrepreneur women.   But he has the worst manners and just gets on my nerves.

Whenever he comes over he hits on me; insinuating that I should leave Gerry for him. At first I thought he was a joke so I’d play around and agree, but that only made him even more annoying. Now whenever he comes over or calls to the house he calls me “sweet-pea”, “baby” or “chiquita”. He flirts with everyone and often says the wrong thing. So I know he doesn’t secretly like me.  Besides, Gerry is kind enough to remind me that I’m not Tony’s type.

I know I can’t be the only person whose spouse has a friend you don’t get along with. I guess right now I’m just venting. Letting it out.

Why? 

For obvious reasons. Tony is stopping by this weekend with his latest girlfriend and we’re having a couples dinner party. I hope his date is someone who’s company I can enjoy. Otherwise the evening is going to seem eternal.

 

Till Next time. Wish me luck!!

Desirae Valdespino

 

 

 

blogspot.com Tags: one, friend, i, can not, stand, person, Tony, gerry, gerard, venting, dinner, party, not, looking, forward, to, it, desirae, valdespino

11-11-11

 

 

Epic. Day. Epic. Year.

 

Where were we?  Epic. Location.

At home. Gerry worked from home today because he had to plan some things and make phone calls. (I wasn’t paying attention when he explained it to me 5 times.) I was at work until 3:00. Then I arrived home, made lunch and started on the To-Do List. BUT  “Honey” was busy scratching his belly and procrastinating his part of the To-Do List. Took me a while to finally drag him out.

 

How did we spend it?  Epic. Memory.

Racking the back yard, painting the garage and arguing about who fixes the hole in the garage floor. (because someone, OH someone HAD to install a shelf and ended up dropping the hammer on the floor and cracking it… ).  Did the shelf get installed? No.  Who fixed the crack tile? Me.

 

What did we eat? Epic. Meal.

Breakfast: Cereal. (but with the wrong milk, because I forgot to buy his “whole” milk)

Lunch: Tuna Sandwiches.

Dinner: Pizza (which was cold by the time we ate it, because someone, OH someone just HAD to take a one hour  long shower as the Pizza delivery guy arrived… We couldn’t keep it warm because our oven ‘broke’, we figured out later that it got unplugged somehow.)

 

Did we have a memorable day? Epic. Day.

Hectic, argumentative, difficult, but defiantly memorable.

 

Would we re-live it? Epic. Fail.

No way.

 

 

Till next time.

xoxo

Desirae Valdespino

 

 

 

 

LiveJournal Tags: epic,day,years,11-11-11,november,eleven,11,numbers,fixing,garage,tile,argumentive,arguments,fight,love,wedding,desirae,gerard,hardships,long day,but,worth,it

In the Same Room

 

Dear Blog,

We’re started sleeping in the same room. The master bedroom.

I still have a couple things in “my room” a.k.a the guest bedroom, but as the days have gone by, I’ve slowly moved into the main bedroom with Gerard. At first we just read together, then we ended up having midnight snacks, and now we kind of just fell into the custom of sleeping in the same bed.

I guess he likes the fact that once my alarm clock goes off, I get up and have a shower. Once I’m out and dressed, I’m responsible enough to wake him up so he can get ready.

I’m enjoying this time with him in this new close way. Sometimes during the night we’ll end up hugging or holding hands. It’s comforting to have him this close. I know he misses the love he had with Bryce, but it’s nice to know I can make up for it in a small way.

 

I better go to sleep now. He is laying next to me and snoring. I know the lamp on the nightstand doesn’t bother him once he is deep in sleep, but I would rather not take the risk of him waking up.

I just wanted to add a small update. As well as let you know about this new change in our life…

 

Till next time.

xoxo

Desirae Valdespino

 

 

LiveJournal Tags: small,change,officially,sleeping,in,the,same,room,desirae,gerard,sleep,master bedroom,together,newlyweds,wedding,friends,love

Caught in the rain

 

Dear Blog

 

Today it started pouring rain. These past days the sky was grey and it kept looking as if it would rain, but in the end it would clear up and the sun would be out during the afternoon.

Today it rained all day. I stayed home to do some house work. My brother-in-law, Kurt, bought us an oil  painting. It’s very abstract, just lines and dark colors like olive green, maroon, gold, and blue. It’s very interesting. I thought it would look nice in the office so I got out the step ladder, hammer and nails. Gerard was out visiting his father. I think his dad is going to lend him his lawn mower to cut the grass. (Although I don’t know why, because the grass is wet and it’s impossible to cut it now…) I think it’s great that they have a nice relationship. Gerard told me that for a couple years after his parents got divorced he didn’t have a very close relationship to his father. I think some of that strain in their relationship had to do with my father-in-law suspecting Gerry’s sexual orientation was “untraditional”.  I think it’s great that they get along now.

I was in the office hanging the painting when I heard someone ring the door bell. I walked down to see who it was, I figured it was Gerry and that he’d forgotten his keys. However, when I opened the door I saw two big hazel eyes staring back at me; Bert. He was soaked to the bone and shivering.

“Bert!” I pulling him into the house. “You’re all wet! Why are you outside?”

“Hi. Mrs. V…  My house is locked.” He looked up at me and then sneezed. I grabbed a towel from the half bathroom and wrapped it around him.

“Where are your parents?”

“They are out. They left me with Tanya, but she left.  I was playing in the yard.”

Tanya, the maid? She left him outside?!!! Stupid girl!! I was so mad at their maid for leaving him unattended. I asked Bert if he knew his parents cel-phone numbers, but he didn’t. The numbers were in his notebook, that was in his house. He couldn’t offer me much more information so I didn’t ask. My priority was to get him out of his wet cloths.

I dried him off as best as I could with the towel and took him to the guest bedroom. I grabbed Gerry’s old bathrobe. I turned the shower on and told Bert to get in under the warm water. He seemed thrilled with the idea of getting in with his cloths on. Once I was sure the water had warmed him up, I told him to put all his cloths in a basket and put the big blue robe on. I waited outside the bathroom door. He walked out wearing the robe and smiling.

“Look Mrs. V!” he showed me how the long sleeves hung over his arms. I laughed, this kid was so cute. I grabbed the basket with the wet cloths and threw it in the dryer. I blew his hair dry and then set him in the T.V. room. He mastered the remote control within seconds and watched cartoons while I made him some hot chocolate and put some cookies on a plate.

“Bert. I’ll be right back. I’m going to leave a note on your house so you’re parents know you’re here.” I drove the couple blocks to his house. I checked if there was anyone there. I rang the bell and knocked, but no one answered. I slid the note under the front door and went back home. Bert was still watching cartoons and giggling at the action on the screen. I sat down next to him on the couch and kept him company until he fell asleep.

About half an hour later Gerard arrived. His reaction was priceless when he walked in and saw a kid  sleeping on the couch in his bathrobe.

“What is he doing here?” He whispered to me so Bert wouldn’t wake up.

“He showed up at our front door about an hour ago. He was soaking wet. Apparently his parents are out and they left him with the maid. But I guess the maid decided to leave early and locked up the house.. Bert was playing in his yard when it started raining but he couldn’t get back in.”

“So he walked two blocks and came here?”

I shrugged. “I guess he thought we looked the friendliest.”  I heard the dryer beep go off. Bert stirred on the couch and looked up at us.

“Hey there sleepyhead. Your cloths are dry. Why don’t you go with Mr. V and have him help you get dressed.”

Gerard gave me a look that said “6 year olds know how to dress themselves!”  or maybe it was something else like “We could be arrested…” I’m not sure.

While the boys were upstairs, someone rang the front door bell. I opened the door to find his mothers standing there. She pushed passed me into my house.

“I got your note. Is he here? Is he ok?”

“Yes. He’s upstairs.” I called up to Gerard and told him Bert’s mom had arrived. Bert came running down the stairs and jumped into his mother’s arms.

I told Ophelia what happened and how he ended up at our house. She thanked us over and over. She kept saying she couldn’t believe the maid would leave him just like that. Then she yelled at Bert for not staying inside the their house. That comment threw me off. It aggravated me a little that she would be mad at her child for being playful. I didn’t say anything, but told her Bert was welcome to come over whenever he wanted. He was a good kid and I didn’t mind having him around.

“Oh, you’re just a young couple. Pretty soon you’ll have your own children running around and you won’t be able to stand them…” Ophelia replied and she picked Bert up and took him to their car.

What?

I smiled politely and said goodbye to Bert. Back in the house Gerard gave me a puzzled look and asked “What was all that about? Did she really say we wouldn’t be able to stand our own kids?” 

I just shook my head, trying to forget the comment. “I’m sure she was just upset about him being left alone. I don’t think she meant it.”

I picked up the empty cookie plate and wiped the  crumbs off the couch. I stared at the cartoons playing on the TV. I was replaying the events of the day in my head when Gerry’s voice interrupted my thoughts.

“Darling…?”

“Yes?” I walked into the kitchen and opened a soup can for dinner.

“Do you even regret giving up on certain opportunities?”

I placed the soup in a pan over the stove. “What kind of opportunities?”

Gerard leaned against the counter and stared down at the dirty dishes. “Children…for example. The opportunity to have kids…to be a mom.”

I turned around to face him and it started to dawn on me that all those times he’d seem me with kids, he wasn’t looking at them because he wanted kids. He was looking at me with them, and feeling pity…

“I don’t know how to answer what you’re asking me.” I stared at him, searching for an answer or reaction on his face. “I know we have never seriously discussed the possibility of having children. I figured it would be something longer down the road, but I imagine we would have kids someday. Don’t you want children?”

“Yes. Of course. Someday. But I don’t want…I don’t want a child with you.”

My jaw dropped and I turned off the soup to distract myself for a second. “What do you mean you don’t a child with me?” A surge of feelings of anger, disappointment, sadness and betrayal stung my heart.

“Wait! No…ugh! Let me rephrase that.” He held his hands out at me. I wonder if he thought I’d throw the hot soup at him. “I meant, I do want to raise a kid with you. I just don’t want the kid to be ours. Like…your egg and my---“

“Woah!…OK!” I covered his mouth with my hand before he went into too many details. “I got the idea. You don’t want a natural child with me.”

“Exactly.”

A part of me was relieved, but another part of me wondered what it would be like to have our own child; the best and worst of both of us all combined into a little person. I told Gerry that there were always other ways to conceive a natural child, besides in-vitro. But he made it clear he didn’t want that.

“Desirae. I love you. I really do.” He hugged me and kissed the top of my head. “Our marriage, our relationship works very well. We work. But having baby is something bigger than us. I don’t see how it would work. I can’t imagine a little piece of you and me in a baby…we have so many problems as it is…”

“I understand…” I hugged him back. “At least I think I do…"  I placed the soup in two bowels and we sat down to have dinner. “We can always try and adopt…While we’re on the subject. When do you want a baby?”

Gerard smiled. “If we’re still together, then probably not for another 5 years.”

“I’ll be 29 years old and you’ll be 30-31. Adoption takes a long time…. Let’s try in 2-3 years.”

“Three.”

“Done.”

 

Till next time.

xoxo

Desirae Valdespino

Bullying. Enough is Enough.

Dear Blog
As a teacher I’ve seen bullying going on at school and it makes me so mad. As a student I was bullied. I was bullied in so many ways and for so many reasons that when I look back, they seem childish, but so cruel. I was bullied for my weight. I was bullied because of my tanned skin color. I was bullied for being smart. I was bullied for my looks.
Classmates told me I was fat. They said I was the daughter of maid because I was tanned. My mom is American, she has beautiful light skin, green eyes, and dark wavy hair. I look like my dad. I have the Mexican features. I’m ‘morena’ (tan/ brown skin). I suffered from terrible acne and my skin scared. I have dark black hair and brown eyes. But my classmates told me I was beneath them. They made me feel horrible about myself.  They made fun of me for handing in all my homework. They made fun of me because I was short and shy.
Throughout elementary and junior high school I was a bright, smiley girl, willing to help anyone at anytime, but my willingness to help others was always taken advantage of. My classmates made me believe they were my friends. They’d hang out with me, pass me funny little notes during class, and exchange those ‘friendship’ bracelets. But then, as soon as I was out of sight, they’d turn around and say terrible things about me. They used me only to help them improve their grades. (I’d even do their homework sometimes.) They used me to make fun of me. I didn’t know this until much later. Usually I was very shy so any attention my classmates gave me was amazing. My parents told me I matured much more sooner than my classmates and I never quite fit in. When I was in 4^th grade I was the only girl who had acne, and trouble with my weight. Most girls in my generation had nice tan or peach skin. Since my skin was darker and scared easily my classmates called me names, terrible names. But out of all my “imperfections” , I had one I liked; my glasses. (oddly enough they never made fun of me because I wore glasses) My glasses were my mask, I could be invisible. I could hide behind them and pretend to not hear the cruelty my classmates gave me. A cruelty that only existed in school. At home I had a loving and caring family. But like I’m an only child, I yearned for company. I wanted true good friends at school.
When I grew a little older, junior high level, it was the guys turn to take cruelty to the next level. They tricked me into believe I was interesting and beautiful. Beautiful, that was all I wanted to be. I yearned to fit in soo much, that I believed all those lies. At the school dance or birthday parties the guys would make bets, paying each other up to fifty dollars to invite me to the dance floor and leave me standing there. I soon lost count of how many times they did this to me. Soon I stopped going to dances. When I’d come back from school or the dances, after being hurt, I always forced a smile saying “I had a great day…” or “The dance was really fun! Everyone looked soo nice…”. I tried pretending that everything was fine, so no one suspected the true damage that I was suffering. Thankfully my parents noticed how unhappy I was…but most of the times I cried myself to sleep.
Boy’s comments really hurt me. I once helped a “guy-friend” ask out an girl to the dance. He was so happy…but he didn’t thank me or offer to set me up with one of this friends. So jokingly I asked him “Gosh, why is it that Jane can get a date, but I can’t…”  Without thinking twice he answered “That’s because she’s pretty.”  That hurt. It cut me to the soul. I felt like someone had punched me. I felt horrible that night, and like a lot of teenagers I considered taking my life.
I  couldn’t cut myself, my analytical self was worried about the mess that my parents would have to clean up afterwards. I couldn’t take pills because I didn’t know how many I needed to take. So I turned to my mom and told her how I felt. I told her how depressed I was. I don’t remember the exact words she told me, but it was something like: “Why would you kill yourself over one boy? Do you think he will even care? Do you think he’ll even know you died because of him? He won’t care. He won’t notice. He’ll go on with his life. If anything he might even think you’re weak…”
So the thought stuck with me. Was this guy even worth it? Sure the words hurt like hell. But why should I kill myself over him?… I never again seriously considered killing myself .
Another time, I got paired off in a group project with the ‘cutest-guy-of-the-generation’, let’s call him: Jerk.  Anyway, well since we had to do a school project together, Jerk and I had to spend time together. I really thought he was cute, I might have had a crush on him. Anyway, he started being very nice to me, and I was trilled!! We ended up getting an excellent grade on our project. Soon after that he stopped talking to me. I asked him why he stopped talking to me and he said “I just needed you so I wouldn’t fail that class. Thanks.”  Then I said the worst statement ever, “I thought you liked me…”  His answer: “If you looked like your mom I would totally date you. But you’re too ugly.”  He straight out told me for the following two years of junior high school that I should kill myself. That the world would be better without me. Words are peoples strongest weapon. The damage takes so long to heal…if it ever does heal.
For a while after that I had guys tell me the same thing that Jerk said about dating me. If I looked like my mom they would date me. Well, I got color contact lenses (grey), I got blondish highlights in my hair, I got a makeover.
For close to two years I tried getting ‘improving’ myself. Then, one day, I was looking at old pictures of myself and I saw how dark my hair was. I hadn’t remembered my hair being that dark. I looked at myself in the mirror and didn’t recognize myself.  Was I really this person in the mirror? Had bullying led me to become someone I wasn’t?
School stress and so much chemical products in my hair, lead it to start falling out in clumps. During a semester I ended up with a small bald spot on the top right hand corner of my head. I had to get treatment and let my hair grow out naturally.
I haven’t colored my hair again in close to 5 years.  (Gerard has seen old pictures of Blond and/or Red-head me and says I look horrible….haha good thing I met him when I’d stopped dying my hair.)
Bullies are present everywhere. The hardest part is when they are present during those teenage years when you’re trying to find yourself.
As clichéd as it might sound: IT DOES GET BETTER! 
BUT NO ONE, NOT A SINGLE BULLY SHOULD EVER MAKE YOU FEEL YOU’RE NOT WORTH SOMETHING.
Everyone is worth something. Everyone is precious.
No one is worth dying for.
You should never feel like you should take your life away just because a bully said something mean/negative/degrading to you.
There are lots of people out there who will listen to you.
People who care and will help you. Things DO get better.

If it seems like no one will listen, well… I will. I may not know you, but I’ll listen. I’ll listen and be here.
You are special. You are loved. You are wanted. You are unique. You are worth so much more than you know…

Don’t let bullies decide your life.

xoxo.
Till Next Time
Desirae


 PS.   I found this wonderful site and I'd recommend it.
http://www.stopbullying.gov/

LiveJournal Tags: venting,bully,bullies,trouble,suicide,death,love,things,get,better,not,worth,dying,for,hardships,understand,believe,elementary school,junior high school,school,mean,harassment,difficulty,special,care,dont,let,them,you,down

The Boy Next Door…

 

Dear Blog

A big storm hit this weekend and we lost electricity and internet. I ended up having to go to a local coffee shop to get connected to the internet to check emails. I wasn’t able to write a blog entry or answer questions as much as I would have liked to. 

 

This past month a new family moved in two blocks away from us. A nice young couple that has a little 6 year old boy. His name is Lambert, but every calls him “Bert”. He is very cute, playful and an only child. (so far.) His parents, Mark and Ophelia are a very nice neighbors. A few days after they moved in they went around the whole block and introduced themselves to the neighbors.  Gerard and I were watering the front lawn when they stopped by.

Bert caught my attention at once. He has the cutest smile. He looks a lot like his mother. He has wavy redish dark brown hair, big hazel eyes and he is tanned. He isn’t shy at all, as soon as his parents introduced themselves he walked up to Gerard and I and shook our hands.

“Hi!! My name is Bert!” Then he hugged me. My heart stopped for a moment. He seemed so tiny and perfect and his little arms wrapped around my leg

For some reason unknown that kid always smells like cookies, or like sweet cookie dough. He likes hugging, so he’s always hanging onto me.

 

I’m getting used to seeing a little kid around. I’m normally very nervous around little kids that aren’t family members. (or students).

 

Gerard saw me playing a clapping game with Bert and for a moment I wondered if he wants kids with me. We haven’t spoken about it in awhile.

 

till next time,

Desirae Valdespino

One Year Ago…

Time  flies by so fast.

365 days ago I started writing this marriage blog.

365 days ago there were only 75 days till the wedding.

365 days ago we’d been engaged for 358 days. (We got engaged on December 22nd)

82 days before the wedding we had our biggest fight and the wedding was almost called off.

34 days before the wedding I lost the first engagement ring. (I wore it for 324 days before it disappeared.)

30 days before the wedding we finished paying off the house. It was a relief to know that 1 month before the wedding we had a home to come back to after the honeymoon.

22 days before the wedding Gerard got me the second engagement ring. ( In one month and 23 days it will be a year since I got the second ring.)

11 days before the wedding I presented my thesis and graduated from college as a Literature major.


Time goes by so fast. I can’t believe it’s been a year since I first started writing about my life with Gerard.

Once again the count down begins.

75 days until Our Anniversary.


Thanks for sticking around. This One year blog anniversary is something that could only be celebrated with you. In the following days I hope there continues to be excitement for the first year wedding anniversary. It will be a huge thing to celebrate with you all and I look forward to sharing it with you.



xoxo
Desirae Valdespino

LiveJournal Tags: love,marriage,one year,Gerard,Desirae,remembering,updates,countdown,wedding,ring,lost,husband,fight,anniversary,one,thinking,of,the,past,time,goes,by,so,fast,its,been,a,fun,year,thanks,to,readers

FAQ Part I

 
1. How did you meet? 
We met in college during first semester, but we didn’t become good friends until third semester. One day I was sitting on a couch in the library finishing an assignment when he plopped down next to me and began talk to me. We shared some small talk for awhile and since then we hit it off.


2. How old were you when you got engaged? How old are you and Gerard?

That winter of 2009 when I got engaged I was 22 years old. I turned 23 that spring (2010), so that following winter when I got married I was 23 years old. I just turned 24 years old this past spring (2011). Gerard is a year older than me. (now in retrospect I feel like we got engaged sooo young!)

3. What has been the most challenging change you’ve faced since you got married? 
The biggest challenge I’ve dealt with is living with a man!! I grew up as an only child and even though I had male cousins, nothing compare to actually living with a guy. Heterosexual or gay, when they walk around the house in a towel or boxers it makes me feel like I’m a hysterical teenager again. Lol. Also the typical guy stuff of finding their cloths thrown around the room…ugh! I think in general the most challenging thing for me was learning to live with someone else and learning to be independent. In Gerard’s case I think the most challenging change he’s had to face is coming home to someone who’s always worried about where he is and what he’s been up to. He wasn’t ever used to having someone always waiting for him “at home”. He came and went as he wished. Now he has the responsibility of checking-in.


4. Hi! You never told us about the rest of the furnishing in your home. Are there still unfurnished parts in your house? 
We haven’t finished furnishing the house. We put together different areas of the house as best as we can. Right now we are saving up for a nice dining room table, and nicer sofas for the TV room. I think the only rooms which are about 90% done are the bedrooms, office and the garage. (the garage wasn’t too hard to get done. We just painted the walls and installed shelves to put all the junk we didn’t want in the house!)


5. Is there any habit you can’t stand about each other?
His burping. I can never stand his spontaneous burps. He burps after drinking soda or after a meal. I’m also having a hard time dealing with his habit of caring plates of snacks around the house and leave the plates and cups randomly spread out around the house. The one habit that Gerard can’t stand about me is my neurotic control-freak self. He says I get too intense and I’m dramatic about little things. He’s spontaneous and I prefer to have e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g planed! So he hates when I freak out when things don’t turn out as planned.


6. Any plans for children?
Gosh, no! Not yet and probably not anytime soon. Work keeps us busy and truthfully we haven’t even discussed that possibility. We both want children at some point in our life, just not right now.


7. You both seem to be pretty successful, Is there any power struggle in our marriage? 
Sometimes we argue over money issues. We both try and do the best in our jobs and sometimes our ego gets in the way of wanting to be the person that makes the most money. But most of the time we are ok with the amount each other brings in. I like saving, while Gerry likes getting the money and spending it. So we argue a lot in that aspect.


8. You married your best friend for the wrong reasons and yet you think you are in a successful marriage? It’s blasphemy and sacrilegious what you have done.
Ok, so this wasn’t a question, but I get comments like this a-l-o-t! At first those comments bothered me and made me feel horrible. However, I don’t completely believe we got married for the ‘wrong’ reasons or that we don’t have a good marriage (so far). I’ll quote what http://marriage.lifetips.com once wrote: “Research suggests that successful marriages have the following six components: appreciation and affection, commitment, positive communication, time together, spiritual well-being, and the ability to cope with the stress and crisis.” Indeed no marriage is 100% perfect. Or at least I haven’t seen any marriage like that. I’d like to believe that what Gerard and I have is a positive thing. We are close and honest with one another.


9. Do you and Gerry really always agree on stuff? 
No! In fact I think there is a lot we don’t always agree on. I don’t write everything we agree or disagree on. We have learned to pick our battles and let some things slide. We’re still learning. We may have been close friends for 3 years, but once we started living together we learned A LOT more about each other. (skeleton in the closets and all…)


10. Do you have time out in your marriage?
Errr… I guess? We argue and try and fix it in that moment. If we do have time-outs, it’s not done consciously. Lol. I’ve never understood the concept of “honey, I’m really angry at you and I can see you are angry at me. Let’s take a break and come back to this argument later.” I think Gerard and I prefer to talk it out immediately instead of prolonging the argument. Time-outs might work with certain arguments, but not all of them.


11. Is there anything your in-laws do that bug you? 
Up until now….no, not really. This year they have kind of let us be on our own and not intervene too much. I’ll probably come back to this question later because I was thinking of something my mother-in-law does that bugs me! But now I can’t what it was…





TOP 10 FAQ! I’ll have a part II later. I get a lot of questions I couldn't upload them all here at the same time! :)  But I think it will be fun to have them in Parts. 


Hope you enjoyed!


Xoxo
Desirae

LiveJournal Tags: frequently,asked,questions,question,doubts,marriage,real,fake,challenges,love,Gerard,Desirae,tips,children,house,how,did,we,meet,short,answers,part,one

Thinking of having a FAQ section.

Dear Blog

I know it's late but I wanted to write a little.
I was checking my inbox and I found more questions from readers. I was
thinking of creating an entry with the Most Frequenty Asked questions.

I thought that would be I interesting. So sometime this coming week I
plan on having a whole list of questions and answering them honestly.

Doesn't that sound like fun?

Xoxo

Desirae

Update from Previous Blog

THIS POST IS FROM MY PERSONAL BLOG (artemiscristina.blogspot.com) 
Originally the updates about the marriage were posted there, but as of  September 22-24, 2011, they have been moved here.This update is just to keep my original readers and new readers updated with the move. Enjoy!


Hi guys!
How have you been?
So I’ve decided to make changes to this blog.
Since I get messages about the wedding blog and a couple of you don’t know very well when it all started or get confused about what I’m writing about..
I’m moving the Blog Entries to a NEW BLOG:
myoddmarriage.blogspot.com 

I will keep this blog, but I’m going to go back to my original idea of just writing my personal ideas and dilemmas here. My personal feelings, or writer inspirational moments for stories will be posted here. Anything referent to the marriage will no longer be uploaded here.

Wedding Blog:
OLD 2010/2011 Missing UPDATES that are referent to the Wedding Blog= My marriage with Gerard are posted on the new blog. Old entry that was missing an update has been updated or will be updated soon.
ALL future UPDATES will now be posted directly there. ( myoddmarriage.blogspot.com )

AFTER OCTOBER 10th, 2011 
ALL The Wedding Posts will be deleted from this blog (artemiscristina.blogspot.com). Previous post will not be deleted and the account Will NOT be deleted. This will mainly just become my creative space.

How did I come up with that title for the New Blog? 
Answer: Someone once mentioned that that was exactly how they saw my marriage and I have since referred to it as such. Gerry and I often say our marriage is unconventional and odd, but nevertheless there is l.ov.e.

Hope that you continue to stop by and read the updates. Feel free to suggest sites. I will try and add more of the cooking sites I’ve visited to improve my culinary skills!! Lol

Thanks for reading!!
Xoxo
Desirae

Details Still Mean EVERYTHING to me

I am a sucker for details.
Small details melt my heart.

We just got back from a  dinner with a group of friends. There were five other couples at the table.  I got off work late because I had to deal with some late parent-teacher conferences. Then I had to run to a copy-place and get some copies of an activity my student will be doing. By the time I got to the restaurant Gerry was  there.

I'm such a romantic or corny person... But Gerard did something that melted my heart. 
He paid for my drink. Everyone else ordered food, but since I had just eatten dinner before arriving for the get-together I didn't order anything. 
It was just a 3dollar refill soda drink. But the fact that he told me to "hush" while everyone was adding up the bill and dividing the total amount so he could pay for my drink, was just very touching to me. 
It wasn't a harsh or negative "hush", it was a "Don't worry about it. I'll pay for it." 

I'm completely melt with small details like that. 

Even though we are married, and there have been plenty of times when he has paid for "my" things, I'm still very stubborn about it. I have always considered myself to be a very independent woman. I like being able to pay for my own things. I'm not one to "ask" to be pampered or "expect" the man to pay for everything. 
Like I said before, I've had negative experiences with men. I learned to not trust or depend on them. So when a guy like Gerard comes around and does small things like that. (which people take for granted sometimes) it really moves me. 

small details like 
A smile from him after a long day at work or school 
A surprise message to say "Good morning" or "Good night" Or "I was just thinking about you." 
Paying for my drink 
A hug 
Holding my hand 
Opening the door for me 

random, small details like that mean a lot to me. 

Tonight was just cute...romantic. 
Details are important to me.  
You know how some people say that even though they have been married for many that there are still things that surprise them about their better half? Well tonight was something like that. Such a small detail and it meant the world to me. Such a small detail that soo many people seem to take for granted. Thank you.

Random thought of the day.. :P 

xoxo 
Desirae

Updates! :D ...4 months till 1 year Anniversary

I keep meaning to write, but as I mentioned in my last post, my job has kept me busier than usual.

I’m still working as a teacher, I’m teacher Spanish again. I have 3 groups with 28-30 kids in each group, so most of my free time has been spent grading papers and planning activities. High school students are very hormonal. I had forgotten how dramatic seventeen and eighteen year olds are.

I know for a fact I was very dramatic in junior high school (not emotional, but I just made a big deal out of little things.)When I in junior high school I was the kind of girl who got picked last in gym, I was the girl left standing alone in the corner at school dances, I was the girl who was picked on, and I was simply the girl who did very well in school and poorly in “love”. (I hardly find high school love to be ‘real’ love. Now as I look back I think it’s more of a continued infatuation with the opposite sex.) I admit I was probably boy-crazy, but I didn’t have a boyfriend until I was in college. So by High school, I had a lot of self-defense walls up. It took me a long time to find friends whom I trusted. It took me even longer to become friends with guys.

Now here I am, married to my best friend, and I still wonder if I did well with love after all. I can’t believe that in 118 days, in four months, Gerard and I will be married for a year. Time has just gone by so fast!! We’ve had a lot of ups and downs this year. I look back now and the first few months before the wedding were very emotional, and the months after the wedding were challenging. We are still learning about each other and copping.

For the first time since we got married it’s just the two of us. Last month Bryce broke up with Gerry. Over the summer, mainly the month of June, Bryce started having trouble with his job and got very snapping with Gerry. They argued over silly things and finally there came a time when they couldn’t even stand the presence of one another. Last week Bryce officially got all of his things out of our house and moved back into his house (the people renting it left a couple weeks before, so the timing was perfect).

It has been weird these past weeks. I still speak with Bryce every Friday. I call him to check up. It became a habit while he was living with us to talk with him about what had happen during the day. I would not doubt that they will patch things up and he’ll move back in. I think they both needed a break, this past year has brought a lot of changes, and it’s good for them to get a fresh start.

Gerry is coming out of his depression and I see him very motivated at work. There hasn’t been a lot of excitement at work yet, but I know the Fall dress collection is coming out soon. I find it funny after all this time Gerard still tries to get me to dress like the models in the magazine. I tried it for awhile, but on my teacher salary it’s not worth it. So I told Gerry that if he wants me dressing that fashionably he needed to get free samples or buy it for me. That ended the discussion.

I’ve noticed that he’s taken up the hobby of photography. I think hanging around the photographers at work so much and observing how they direct the models, made him curious. He bought himself a nice Nikon digital camera. The first few pictures he took were out of focus and funny, he wanted to throw them away, but I loved the awkwardness in each picture, so I framed them. He’s gotten better at taking pictures and we have a couple very professional-looking. 

 I think this month he is going to start changing the small storage room in the back into a ‘red-room’ so he can develop his pictures at home. He used to take the roll to be developed at a local drug-store or sometimes at work. But he wants to be able to do it from home now.
Personally I think the room is too small, but I’ve learned not to argue with him. He has to find that out on his own…

  Let’s see how that goes.

Till next time.

Xoxo

Desirae

For New Readers: Read From The Beginning

PS. For the new readers who are just getting to know my/our story. Read from the beginning, the final days before the wedding, click the First entry in October 2010 (see left side bar and start from there!!)

October 1st, 2010

http://myoddmarriage.blogspot.com/2010/10/constant-updates75-days-till-wedding.html 

XOXO

Desirae

Time passes by so fast

It's been awhile since I last wrote.
I know it's been too long.
My job has kept me busy. I've started a new school year as a teacher.
I am delighted with my job.
I am also working on a new story. A novel. My deadline is the first
week of November so I'm doing my best to write as fast as I can and
get it done.
My new students are very nice. I'm teaching tenth grade.
There are a couple new teachers in the school. I'm just getting to
know them.
Alexander is still around. He is a lot of fun to talk with.
Sometimes I can see that Gerry seems jealous of the way Alex looks at
me.
He and Bryce broke up about a month ago. That had Gerry very upset and
he fell into a deep depression. It took me a week to get him out of
the house and mingling.
That's actually a long story be I guess I will get back to that later
It is late and I need to be up by 6am.
I'll write more later.
Xoxo
Desirae

Changes

Today I donated my long hair to the Cancer society. I went to the hairdresser and had the young woman cut my waist-length hair. I haven’t my hair this short since I was in elementary school. The woman put my hair in a pony-tail and cut it at the beginning of the rubber band. It’s such a different look. It isn’t very stylish because I need it to let it grow a little longer so that when they cut it again it’s not too short.
When Gerry saw me I wasn’t sure what he thought. He kind of just stared at me trying to take in my new look. He simply said “You look different.” He’s always known me with long hair and used to tell me how much he loved it. My hair has always been my pride and I won’t lie, it was hard to give it up. But putting vanity aside, I feel good that some kid with cancer will have the chance of getting a wig made out of my hair. Besides I know my hair will grow back.
My family or friends haven’t seen with short hair yet. I wonder what they will think. Personally, I kind of feel like a soccer mom or like an older, more professional individual.
I wonder if I’ll end up keeping this look or if I’ll let my hair grow out again.

Anyway, I just wanted to offer a small update. :)

I’ll write soon again.

Xoxo
Desirae

The Breakup, Three becomes Two

 

Dear Blog

Bryce and Gerard broke up last night.

I guess their arguments built up and they aren’t happy anymore with how things are.

Bryce packed a suitcase with some of his stuff and left about two hours ago. I don’t know where he went, but I will call him tomorrow. Right now I need to tend to my husband, who is broken hearted about what just happened.

I don’t know how to help him, but I have to try and calm him down. It is a weird feeling to care for both of them and want to help both of them, and yet not know how to. 

I love Gerry and I adore Bryce, they both blame the other for not trying hard enough. I can’t take sides in their arguments, I can just listen and comfort them.

Tonight, he needs a hug and he needs me to listen. So I’m putting my work aside, going to his side and hugging him as he cries.

 

I don’t know when I’ll write again. When there is chaos at home, it is hard for me to find time to write.

 

I will fill in details later.

 

Till Next Time.

Desirae Valdespino

Sad News on Mother's Day

Last night, the evening of Mothers day, at around 11:00p.m. I got a phone call from my parents.
My great-grandmother passed away. She was 96 years old.
I couldn’t believe it. She has been sick for awhile. It was as if she lost her will to live. It was heartbreaking to slowly see her body shut down. During the last months of her life, she mainly sat in her chair or laid in bed.
I knew she wouldn’t get better, but I never thought it would seem so sudden.
I got out of bed, still in shock over the news and walked to Gerard’s room. I knocking, figuring that the sound of the phone ringing had woken him up. He opened the door within seconds. I guess he knew something was wrong.
“Who called?” He asked as he rubbed his eyes.
“My parents, they called to let me know…” I suddenly had felt a knot building in my throat. “…that my great-grandmother just passed away.” 
In one quick motion Gerry stepped out of his room and embraced me in a hug. As soon as he did that I started crying. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry to hear that.” He kissed the top of my head and rubbed my back.
“I..” I wiped my tears away with my bathrobe sleeve. “I have to go say good-bye. They are sending her body back to her hometown tomorrow morning so she can be buried with my great-grandfather.”
“Give me five minutes to put some cloths on and brush my teeth. I’ll come with you. I’ll drive.”
Small details…He didn’t ask if I wanted him to come. He offered. He said he’d come. He wanted to be there for me.
We got dressed and drove the 30 minute drive to my great-grandmother’s home. I’m not sure I would have been able to do it on my own.
One of my biggest wishes was that she would see me get married. I am so grateful that she did. I  see it as a blessing that she was well enough to come to my wedding and stay at the reception a while. She was also so blessed to have been able to see three great-great-grandchildren on behalf of my cousin.  I couldn’t ask for more. She got to see me walk down the aisle to a wonderful man she adored when she first met him. It was selfish on my behalf to wish she could see my first child.
The drive over was silent. Gerry drove the car with one hand and held my hand with the other. When we got there it seemed like my whole family was inside. We shared tearful hugs and condolences. My great-aunt and grandmother fussed with the paperwork that was necessary to call the funerary. I walked into the bedroom. The doctor was there and had he body covered with a white sheet. It was like an eerie scene from a movie. She looked so tiny and fragile. Gerry stood behind me and put his arms around me. (Later he told me he did that because he said I looked so pale he was afraid I was going to fall.) As he hugged me, tears kept rolling down my cheeks. Time seemed to stop. I sat down next to the bed and reached out to touch the sheet covering her hand, but I stopped. I didn’t want to touch her cold skin. I didn’t want to see the woman beneath the sheet. I didn’t want to remember her like that. I wanted to remember her as happy and vivid as I’d seen her during my whole life.
It took another hour before the funerary people came and took her body away. I am so thankful to have had Gerry there with me. He didn’t say much, but his presence and support really helped me. I know my family felt the huge loss and we could support each other. But having my husband next to me was comforting.
Once the body was taken away and the arraignments were done we headed home. It was close to 4:00 in the morning. I couldn’t sleep. Even though I had to work in the morning. I went into the kitchen and made some tea. Gerry joined me and we sat on the couch and reminisced about my great-grandmother.
Eventually the emotional exhaustion and late hour tired us out and we feel asleep on the couch. We woke up a couple hours later to the smell of food. Bryce had gotten up and made us waffles and cut up fruit for us.
Needless to say the day seemed gloomy for me and tiring for Gerry. We both came home and took a nap. I woke up a little bit ago finish some random chores around the house. Now I’m just typing about my day and getting ready for a new day.
My great-grandmother was a wonderful woman. She was always smiley and giving. I’ll miss her. I’ll miss her stories. But she’ll always be present in our hearts.

Let your family members know you love them. Every time you see them. Tell them that you appreciate them.

xoxo
Desirae

My Surprise Birthday Celebration!

Dear Blog

GERRY DID THE SWEETEST THING EVER!!! HE THREW ME A SURPRISE PARTY!!

DETAILS WILL FOLLOW SOON!!


XOXO
DESIRAE

Unexpected visitor

 

Dear Blog,

As I write this Gerry is laying next to me in bed reading. (He is the only person I know capable of laying down and read while holding a book up in the air without his arms getting tired…)

In case you missed the clue in the first sentence, we are in the same room. In the same bed.

You may wonder, How did this happen? Well…

His eccentric, out of town twenty-six year old cousin, stopped in to see us. She will be staying with us for a week (10-15) until she finds her own apartment.

Her mother, Gerard’s aunt, called him at work and  asked (*told*) him his cousin, Minnie, was stopping by and see if she could stay with us. His aunt is a very pushy lady and he wasn’t able to say no.

He called me up frantically and told me. I ran out to the grocery store and stocked up with food and treats. I hurried home and cleaned the sheets in the guest bedroom (my room) and removed any evidence that I’d been sleeping in there. I quickly moved everything into “our” bedroom. Luckily half of the closet is packed with my cloths anyway, so I didn’t have to move too many things.

Meanwhile Gerry called Bryce and told him he had couldn’t come over because we would have a visitor. Bryce said he was ok with that. In fact he laughed, acknowledging that he knew that would happen one day.

So Minnie’s taxi arrived at the house around 5:30pm. She is very tall and has the best sense in style. She always looks glamorous. (Gerry’s family in general is very photogenic and glamorous. My family has always seemed more laid back and stern. It’s an interesting contrast when you compare the family pictures.) She arrived in her skin tight jeans, a pink leopard print shirt, black stiletto boots and a huge band-name purse whose name I can’t remember. I’m sure Gerard would remember…

(In bed. Turning to look at Gerry.

Me: “Gerry, what was the band name of the purse your sister was carrying today?”

Gerard: “It was a sporty Tommy Hilfiger tote.”)

…and a Tommy Hilfinger Hilfiger tote. (Gerry just asked me how I spelt it and correct me… my apologies. LOL. It’s not easy living with someone who knows more about fashion that I do.)

Minnie arrived as perky as ever, thanking us for allowing her to stay at our home. She complimented the guest bedroom and the rooms in general. It was very nice to have someone else in the house with us. The original plan was that I was going to prepare chicken for dinner, but I ran out of time and ended up ordering pizza and making a tossed salad. Tomorrow I plan on preparing chicken with a vegetarian casserole. After dinner I showed Minnie around the house and put clean towels in the bathroom for her. She looked exhausted so she retired to her room shortly after dinner. We’ll have time to bond during this coming week.

It’s weird having someone else in the house, but it’s nice. I’ve gotten used to seeing my husband in different PJ’s, but this was the first time I saw him so relaxed in long pajama bottoms and a light undershirt. I’m wearing my boring PJ’s, a long shirt with little frog prints over them. It’s kind of great not having to worry about looking sexy, just comfortable.

He’s telling me to turn off the light. I better do so. It is getting late and I have a busy day tomorrow.

Till Next Time.

 

xoxo

Desirae

Hypothetically Speaking…What if…?

Dear Blog
I am sitting in the eating area typing because while Gerry watches TV in the other room. I should be grading my students month exams, but I think my mind is still chewing on the conversation that Gerry and I just had.
We were sitting on the couch together watching a movie on the TNT channel. I was looking around the room, observing ‘our’ things; the sofa, the desk, the knickknacks, the carpet, the small table in the middle of the room, etc. A curious thought popped into my head.
“Gerry…” I said.
He answered with a grunt while his eyes stayed glued to the TV.
“I know its still very early in our relationship, but have you ever thought about what would happen if this didn’t work out?”
This caught his attention and he shifted to look at me. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, have you ever thought that in the future you might want to get a divorce and marry someone else?” I could see a rather dazzled and confused look in his eye.
“Why are you asking that? Where is this coming from?” he asked. “I have not thought at all about the future of this relationship. I take it day by day. I haven’t even gotten used to the idea of “us” being married.” He stared at me and then continued  “Are you having second thoughts?”
“No, no I’m not having second thoughts at all. I guess I was just curious…” I suddenly felt uncomfortable by blurring out my thoughts.
“What is on your mind?”
“Nothing really.”
“Are you sure?”
“I think that by looking around our house, I see that there are pieces still missing and in a sense it feels incomplete. As if it was empty or waiting to be packed up again.  It reminds me of all those arguments my parents used to have…”
“You’re talking about all those fights they had when they wanted to get a divorce?”
“Yes.”
“Look Rae, I know that was hard for you. But in the end they stayed together. Things were hard and uncertain for awhile with you. I remember your teary midnight phone calls. It was very hard for you. However things worked out for them, they got therapy and stayed married.”
“But…”
“But if you would like to discuss the “hypothetic situation, the what if…” we can talk about it.”
“I just need to express that, If in the future, you want out or I want out we know what might happen.”
“Sure.” He leaned closer to me and hugged me. “So, if we got a divorce who get’s this sofa?”
“You Do!! It’s your sofa and it’s the worst thing in this house…” I answered jokingly.
“Deal. That’s all I want…” He turned the TV on mute. “What do you want?”
“I would like for things to be divided equally. Whatever I buy is mine and whatever you buy is yours. Everything in my room comes with me. Everything in your room goes with you. Whatever we bought together or for the house gets sold and we split the earnings. The house gets sold and we split the earnings as well.”
“Seems like you have given this a lot of thought…”
“I really haven’t thought about it much. It is just that I went through the heartbreak of watching my parents walk through the house yelling at each other and then going through the drawls and grabbing things, saying ‘this is mine’  or ‘that’s mine’…. I hated that. I hated the possession of things they bought together or for each other. I hated the fighting. “
“I promise that if this arraignment ever has to end, we will discuss it calmly. As heartbreaking as it may be, we will do things equally. Honestly above everything. Right?”
“Yes….Thank you.”
He put his arm around my shoulder and said “stop thinking such negative things. We’ve only been married three months.”

I don’t know what made me think of this. I guess it was just a random thought. But its nice to know that he took it serious. It is nice to know that I can count on him.
We have said it before, but our relationship has always had to be based on honestly. Even if it hurts. No lies, no disguise.
Now I better get back to checking my students exams.

till next time
XOXO
Desirae

Which is it?

"Do you love me because I am beautiful,
or am I beautiful because you love me?"
~Cinderella~



It's easy to fall in love. The hard part is finding someone to catch you...

So my question is...if I start to fall, is someone there behind me to catch me or am I going to get shattered?

xoxo
Desirae

Not “I” or “Me”, but “We” and “Us”

 

Dear Blog

People have asked us how we are dealing with the new relationship, going from being best friends, to being married. I always said I wanted to marry my best friend and in this case I did. *happy face*

I tell them that usually our relationship is based on full honestly. We talk in terms of '”we”, “us” and “ours”, instead of “I”, “me” and “my”. Since we got married we try talking in a unity, act as if we were one.

I won’t lie and say that there aren’t days when we argue and have typical couple arguments. But in our relationship we know our weaknesses and we love each other for them.

We respect each other. There are times when we get on each others nerve, but one of us always says those three magic words “I am sorry”. In a lot of relationships one partner has a hard time saying that or admitting it. Gerry and I will say it and mean it. We admit our faults. We admit to be wrong when sometimes we are not. We give in to each other for the sake of not being resentful.

One thing I read in a magazine a couple years ago was that to have a successful marriage, you needed to give in to your partner and not criticize  a lot. For example, we divide the housework by areas. One week I am in charge of the moping and vacuuming, while he washes windows and dusts. While I don’t like how he dusts, I don’t complain in front of him. I give him tips, but I never go back and Re-dust. I don’t tell him he does a bad job. I will get to dust the area “correctly” or “to my liking” the following week.

Respect. If i didn’t show him that, then he would hate doing the housework around the house. He would hate ‘helping out’.

We work together. It is our home, our life. We make it work.

 

So, making things work isn’t always simple, but I would like to think that for newlyweds we get along just fine.

Till next time

XOXO

Desirae

LiveJournal Tags: housework,respect,us,we,i,me,my,work,thoughts,sucess,resent,love,newlyweds,admire

Let's go fly a kite'

Dear Blog

I'm getting ready to leave for work, but, I suddenly got the urge or
idea to have a picnic and fly a kite.
The weather isn't nice enought to consider flying kites anytime soon.
But maybe it would be a fun afternoon activity to do with Gerard or
the family.
Anyway I just thought I'd update an entry for today. It looks like it
might rain so I better leave soon. I hate driving in the rain.

Till next time.
Xoxo
Desirae

Our Weird Habits…

 

Dear Blog

When you live with someone there are many things that start coming into the light. It’s very much like dating. When you start dating the guy or girl is always polite, correct and dressed fashionably nice. After months or years of dating, you begin to see sides to that person that the first dates didn’t revile. (such as maybe he likes wearing wrinkled shirts all the time, or prefers sitting and watching TV rather than hiking…Or she doesn’t always wear makeup, she prefers oversized T-shirts, etc)

Well something similar seems to be happening between Gerard and I.

Our relationship has always been based on honesty, brutal honesty. Even when we were friends we were always honest and very trusting. However now that we live under the same roof there are some ‘weird’ habits that I’ve noticed he has or he has noticed I have.

Some of them are funny the others just seems unique. But I thought I’d share them with you.

Gerard’s Habits (Top 5 for now.)

1) Whenever he is deep  in thought or analyzing something he stares off into space. Then he cringles his nose, making is upper lip stick up and his right eye twitches a bit. (I’d noticed him do this years ago when we were friends, but I’m starting to realized how often he does it…I find this habit adorable.)

2) He is always rubbing the back of his neck. At first I thought maybe he was ichy on the back of his neck because his hair cut is short and I thought that when the hair grew back it bothered him. However, even with ‘long’ hair, he rubs his neck.

3) His shoes always have to be aligned in the closet: sneakers, brown shoes and then black shoes.

4) If he doesn’t walk around the block (or walk a few blocks near the house) he can’t sleep. (I’m guessing this is a good healthy habit)

5) He chain smokes whenever he has had a bad day at work.  On good days he only smokes one cigarette before dinner.

 

My Top 5 Habits… (or Habits that Gerard has pointed out that I have)

1) I always wash the dishes in a specific order:  (We don’t have a dish washer so I put them on a green drain board we have.)  First I wash the plates, then I wash the glasses (cups), then the fry pans or containers, and last I wash the silverware.  (I hadn’t noticed this but it is true!)

2) I bite the inside of my lip when I am lost in thought (daydreaming). (or whenever I am deep in thought I bite the top of my lip) (my parents always complain that I have this habit)

3) I smoke a cigarette whenever I have a writer’s block.  (guilty as charged)

4) I line up the spices in the kitchen cabinet so that they are color coordinated.  ( i think it looks nice! but it drives him nuts)

5)  I talk to myself and answer myself when I think I’m alone. I do this a lot when I’m stressed (LOL…so true….)

 

So these were some odd habits that we have noticed in each other.

Maybe I’ll add more later…as the days go by we learn new things about each other and ourselves.

till next time.

XOXO

Desirae

LiveJournal Tags: arraignment,best friend,blog,boyfriend,convenient,dating,desirae,dishes,family,funny,habits,love,nose,odd habits,stress,thoughts,trust,understand

Remembering College

 

Dear Blog,

After work today, I while I was at the grocery store I ran into an old classmate; Anna. I was surprised to see her since, right after she graduated last semester she got an amazing job offer in England teaching a literature course.

She was back in town for a couple weeks, visiting family and picking up the last of her personal items.

While we were talking she pulled out of her wallet an old messenger conversation that Gerard and I had. I used to have that conversation in my wallet, but then my wallet got stolen and I lost it.

I hope the conversation is able to convey the “goofiness” that we had during fifth semester.

 

Anna: Here is a recount of your classmate relationship

1st and 2nd semester:

Gerard: Did you do your homework, can I see it just to make sure mine’s ok?

Rae (me!) Sure!! (OMG A NEW FRIEND!) (this is actually very true, the first time Gerry spoke to me, I was overjoyed.)

3rd and 4th semester:

Gerard: Hey so…I didn’t do my homework, can I copy yours? I will totally change stuff so it doesn’t look like I copied it.

Rae: Sure, you’re the best!

5th and 6th semester:

Gerard: B**CH GIMME YOUR HOMEWORK!

Rae: Sure thing, my dearest, dearest friend!

7th, 8th, and 9th semester:

Gerard: What we had homework? Ush, Rae you betta do it for me, I’m too busy doing nothing with my Life/Partying/Pretending I’m working on my Thesis…

Rae: No problem, you know I will always be here for you!

(Then Gerard ‘hopefully’ finished University and Rae;s life purpose is lost forever…. THE END)

 

I still laugh whenever I remember that conversation. I invited her over to the house so she can see Gerry again. Also, it’s funny showing off the house and ‘our’ new life. I hadn’t realized how much I miss her perky personality.

She is coming over sometime this week or next week for dinner. We exchanged numbers and we be in touch.

 

I was just realizing that I should write down when Gerard and I met. I quickly reviewed it when when we got engaged, but I haven’t really gone into it.

 

Till Next Time

XOXO

Desirae

One Main Goal Accomplished!

Dear Blog

Saturdays have become "clean the house" days and "grading my student's homework's.

However today I procrastinated to do either tasks until I did something for myself.

 

I put together a 250 piece Puzzle.

 

On our honeymoon I bought a Puzzle from the gift shop in Europe. It is the picture of a famous painting (I can't remember the name right now...)

I had been meaning to put it together but I hadn't found the chance. The sealed box has been sitting on the table in our T.V. since December. I decided that today would be an excellent time to do it. I needed to get my mind off work and home. I haven't been stressed recently, but I needed to do something for myself.

I have always been a fan of puzzles big or small. Even though my parents didn't have many puzzles at home, due to the humidity problem that the house had. I never stopped enjoying looking for puzzles and dreaming that one day I would be able to take an afternoon and relax.

 

Today was that day.

Now, hours later, I kind of regret not working around the house and getting a late start on checking my students papers. BUT it was worth it.

No one really called  the phone today. Just my mom checking up on me.

Gerard was out running errands.

Bryce was off doing his things.

My in-laws kept to themselves. The whole family is going out for dinner tomorrow: his parents, and my parents.

And my agent/editor is busy re-scheduling the interview.

 

This was the best weekend I've had in awhile. Very relaxing, just taking a couple hours for myself. Totally worth it.

I recommend that at least once a month a person should allow themselves to make time for "them".

Go work out.

Go the the spa.

Sleep in late.

Read a book in bed in your P.J.'s.

Work on a puzzle.

Play a board game.

 

Just take some time to pamper yourself and stay worry free. It helps.

At least I think so.

 

So one goal down: Taking time just for myself.

 

Now I better get a start on checking my students work... tomorrow I'll work on the house.

 

Till tomorrow!

XOXO

Desirae

 

 

Midnight calls aren't always bad

Dear Blog
I always assumed that receiving a phone call at Midnight meant bad news...however, I just got one of the most exciting phone call in my life.
My agent just called to say that my novel has been on the #4 Best sellers list this month (so far!)
ahhhhh!!!
She also told me that I am going to be interviewed this weekend to discuss my book and how it feels to be #4 on the Best Sellers this month!
I couldn't be more excited!!
I can't wait to tell Gerry and my family later in the morning!!
YEY!!

Oh wish me luck!!
I'll write more later!

XOXO
Desirae

He says Out, I Say In

Dear Blog

So, it's been a L-O-N-G day. Here is a quick update of what happened yesterday evening after Alex left and this morning while talking to Gerard.

Gerard really liked Alex and keeps joking with me, that we would be perfect together. However I tell him that it's not that way.

"He is my co-worker. We work together and he isn't my type..." I told him this morning while I sipped my cup of coffee.

"Oh, that's right... He's straight. I keep forgetting your type is the kind you can't have."

"Ouch!" I laughed. "That's low!"

"Remember everyone loves you...well, maybe except straight guys." he smiled and hugged me. "Well...maybe that straight guy likes you."

"I seriously doubt it. Anyway, he knows I am married. He wouldn't dare break up a marriage..."

"Oh, darling, you live in a pink bubble...If he wants you." He looked me straight in the eye. "I won't stand between you two..."

"Well I will stand against it...I'm IN the marriage... I told you, if you're going to 'cheat' on me it has to be with Bryce or no one at all."

Gerry shrugged and took the last cup of coffee. "I thought I was suppose to be the husband in this scenario, not the wife."

"Oh, don't worry...you're not the wife."

"Well, I don't feel like the husband."

"No...you're the other man. My husband is Gerard Butler." I pointed to the picture frame sitting by the entrance. I am in love with that actor. I know it's off to have a picture of a celebrity at the entrance of the house, but I haven't found a decent picture of Gerry and I to put in that picture frame.

Laughing at my insanity Gerry said goodbye and left for work...

 

 

It's been a long day! I'll write more later!

Till tomorrow!

XOXO

Desirae

 

 

It’s All About Looks

Dear Blog

What a hectic day it’s been!!

I went to work this morning at 8:30. My first class was at 9:00, I over slept and ended up getting dressed in a hurry!

I really enjoy teaching the children. It makes getting up early fun. I look forward everyday to seeing my students and co-workers.

I have made various friends. The history teacher, Janeth,  is the sweetest lady I’ve ever met. We have the same lunch hour, so I usually sit with her. She always has take-out food with her and she is very THIN!! I envy her soo much! She is one of those persons that can eat anything and everything and their body Never shows it. I would kill for a body like that. If I don’t work out one day, you can notice. Janeth is very sweet and says I look wonderful as I am. It’s wonderful to have a gal friend at school. She is very helpful when I have a doubt referent to the books or the classes I have to teach.

I have  also been getting along very well with Alexander “Alex”, the computer teacher. He is probably the only other teacher, besides Janeth,  that is close to my age. Most of the other teachers are in their mid thirties early forties. I believe Alex is 27 years old. It is a lot of fun to talk with. He is almost probably the most positive person I’ve met. It doesn’t matter how bad the day may seem he has a positive outlook on life. He is also the only teacher that has the same free hours as I do. Except that his lunch hour is an hour after mine, so I always run into him as I’m leaving. Somehow he found a way to make that work to his advantage, in the morning before my first class he give me money for me to order his lunch. And in the afternoon before I leave the cafeteria I order his meal and by the time he gets there his food is ready.  (Janeth says that I’ve become a fully trained wife, since I’m always looking out for the guys. I laugh at the idea…I hadn’t thought of it that way….)

Today, Alex was a HUGE help!! During last period, as I was taking my students to the library so they could find books for their homework, I tripped on a step and pretty much landed on my face. Lucky I only scratched my elbow and arm. However as I fell, my glasses slipped off and felt to the ground, smashing into pieces. I was so upset! I didn’t have any spare! I take pride in the fact that since I started wearing glasses in Elementary school that I have never lost or broken a pair.

Unfortunately, now I broke my glasses and found that I was in very Big trouble. My students ran to make sure I was ok as I laid on the ground trying to laugh at myself and not feel embarrassed. One of my students ran to get the nurse and another one ran and got Alex. He ran out of his classroom.

“Mrs. Valdespino, are you ok?” He asked and he helped me to feet.

“Yes, yes…I must have stepped wrong. I’m ok. Nothing major. I’m just a klutz.” I brushed the dust off my cloths. “Unfortunately my glasses suffered. I can’t see very well.”

“Do you have a spare?” Alex asked as he lead me to the library and got my students in order.

“No” I answered embarrassed. “I’ve always been very careful with my eye glasses. I’ve never lost them or broken them… Oh gosh! How am I going to get home?!”

“Do you want me to call your family? Or your husband?”

“Thank you. I can call them.” I smiled. “I’m not too blind. I think I can manage to dial my parents. I think my mom might be able to take me to buy some new glasses. Gerry is busy. I don’t want to bother him.”

“Ok.” He lingered in the doorway. “If you want, I can give you a ride. I know a great little inexpensive eye glass shop that can have your glasses ready in a couple hours. It is downtown, but I can take you if you like. I actually have to go to the shop today at 3:30. I order some new frames and I need to pick them up.”

“You wear glasses?”

“Only on the weekends. I prefer wearing contact lenses. the rest of the time”

“I would have never guessed that…”

“So, would you like me to take you?”

“Yeah, that would be great. Thank you…”

We met in the teachers room after our classes were done. He drove my car to a parking lot across the school so that my car wouldn’t get locked into the school grounds. I mentally made sure that the car was in decent order… (geez! I can’t remember!)

We went in his car to the store. It was very nice, a couple blocks above the street where Bryce took me to order my wedding dress. I’ll have to mentally try and find this place again.

Alex was very nice taking my arm and leading me through the street.

True to his word, that eye glass shop was a very nice place, inexpensive and an hour later I had a new pair or glasses.

What do you think? I think they look more sophisticated than my older ones… They did cost a bit hunk from my paycheck, It Was Worth It!

I invited Alex for dinner as a way to Thank Him for his help. He said it wasn’t necessary, but I insisted that he come. We went back to pick up my car and he followed me to the house. I put some chicken in the oven, cut up potatoes to make scallop potatoes and started cutting up some salad. As I made dinner noticed the time on Alex’s wrist watch.

“Oh my! Does your watch say it’s 8:30 already? I hadn’t noticed! The chicken won’t be done for another hour! I’m sorry! I didn’t realize it was so late…I would have made something faster.”

Alex chucked and looking down at his watch he said. “No, don’t worry, it is only 5:50. My watch doesn’t work. The battery died about 3 months ago, but I haven’t changed it… I always use my Blackberry to check the hour…

“So why do you wear a watch?”

“It’s a Swatch Desirae! It’s fashionable!” He said showing me his shinny silver watch. “It looks nice. It’s all about looks.”

I smiled…”You sound like my husband. He loves wearing fashion brands…I think he’s job requires that he knows a lot about those topics. I use to always notice what…or Who he was wearing… I’m more practicable. The cheaper the better, If it doesn’t work, fix it or toss it out. If Gerry was here he would probably scold me for saying such things…” I added with a smile.

“Where did you say Gerard works? At a fashion magazine?”

“Yes. Head supervisor.”

Just as I was saying that, I heard the front door click. Gerry was home early.

“Honey, who’s car is parked out in the driveway…” Gerard only calls me Honey, when he isn’t sure of who is on the premises.

“Welcome home.” I walk to the front door to greet him. “Love, I invited Alex, my co-worker, to stay for dinner. You don’t mind do you?”

Gerard walked with me into the kitchen, and kissed me swiftly on the lips. “No, I don’t mind at all. It’s nice to have company.

Alex got out of his seat and shook hands with Gerard. “Hey. I’m Alexander. How are you?”

“Nice to meet you.”

“Dinner should be ready in about another half hour. Why don’t you guys sit in the eating area or watch TV while I finish cleaning up here.”

“Sure…” my husband lead  Alex into the other room. “Hey Rae… did you get new glasses?”

I told him about my accident at school and how Alex helped. Gerry answered by admitting that the glasses looked very good on me. I couldn’t have felt prouder.

So we had dinner and a lovely evening. Perhaps this may sound cruel or even wrong, but I have to admit that for just one evening, it was wonderful talking with a straight guy. I love Gerry and adore my time with Bryce. But sometimes it is nice to talk about random daily things with a guy who isn’t criticizing what you are wearing.

Alex is someone I hope I will be friends with for awhile. I find myself very trusting around him, and he seems to be very relaxed. Gerry has always gotten along with my friends, but as I watched him talk with Alex, I noticed he seems a lot more at ease.

Maybe I’ll invite Alex and his girlfriend over one day… I think he has a girlfriend…

Anyway, I better go to sleep. I have another early class tomorrow.

Till Next Time

XOXO

Desirae

 

LiveJournal Tags: Alex,coworker,glasses,new glasses,Gerard,Gerry,love,friends,Janeth,co worker,school,accident,marriage,dinner,fun,looks,watch,work