Dear Blog
I spoke on the phone with Gerard today. He still has four more days left before he comes back home. We didn’t say much over the phone. I guess things are still a bit tense. I spent the day over at his mother’s house helping her set up the Surround Sound Home-Theater we got her for her birthday. I love spending time with her, she is the sweetest person. I also love how she appreciates the smallest things I do. Gerard knows how to cook and decorate, while I know how to fix mechanical things and set up technological things. We complement each other by teaching one another basic survival tips every day.
I sat in the living room while my future-mother-in-law made us some ice-tea. She has pictures Gerard’s older sister and younger brother on a table by the window. In between those pictures I spotted one that she took of me and Gerard. It is one of my favorite pictures. It is the first picture of us as a couple. It was taken the night we came over to her house to announce our engagement… Diary Entry #4 [December 22nd
Dear Diary
4:30pm
Today is the day. Tonight is Gerard’s business Christmas party. I am nervous as anything. I had a hairdresser’s appointment early this afternoon to get my hair done. My hair is very slick and straight so there is not much that can be done to it. I had the hairdresser wash it, shine it up and French braid the top part. I think it looks elegant and nice. Mom picked up the silver dress from the Dry Cleaners store for me while I was out.
I just ate lunch. Now I better go finish wrapping the Christmas gifts for my family and then fix my nails. I don’t think the bright Christmas-red nail polish I have on right now would look nice with the silver dress. Also, I want my hand to look flawless when he “proposes”. Haha. Makes me wonder HOW he will propose.
7:30pm
Gerard just texted me on my cel phone, he said he is 10 minutes away from my house. I cannot believe the evening is here already. My heart is pounding in my chest and I am not sure if it is from excitement or if I’m nervous. Perhaps it is a little of both.
Mom and dad are downstairs eating dinner. They heated up a plate of chicken and vegetables for me, but I can’t eat. I just finished touching up my makeup and changed my stockings. Just my luck, I ripped the first pair as I put them on in a hurry. Thanks to mom for buying two pairs ‘just in case’.
I look in the mirror once again, looking for any imperfection, as usual. I expected to find a more beautiful woman looking back at me, but instead I just saw good old me staring back. Even with makeup on and borrowed jewelry, I couldn’t see the beautiful person I wanted to see staring back. Gerard always told me he thought I was pretty and cute, but for him, I always wanted to look beautiful. Gerard’s boyfriend, Bryce was the first person to tell me that I was beautiful being just me.
I remember when I first met Bryce back in high school. We took a journalism class together even though he was a year older than me. He was the happiest person I ever met. He always had a smile on his face and he always had something cheerful share. I was happy to have made a friend in that class, but at the time it was short lived. The class only lasted one semester, January till May. School let out for summer vacations and he graduated. I didn’t see him again until I found out he was dating my classmate Gerard, which was two years later. We bonded again, although a first I felt like he didn’t like me since I had a crush on his man. However, after some time I realized it wasn’t so. He in fact liked me a lot as a friend.
The date October 11th is very clear in my head. It was the first time I realized how much Bryce cared for me as a friend. I was at a birthday party at a career classmate’s house when the guy I liked showed up with another girl. I was hurt since the guy had told me he wanted to go out with me. I felt like a fool. When I confronted him about it he laughed in my face, shoved me and told me the most horrid thing ever. He told me I wasn’t beautiful enough for him, that I was the ugliest girl he’d seen. I was so hurt. I couldn’t control my tears. I felt like a fool in front of my whole generation. Unexpectedly a young man walked out of the crowd of classmates and embraced me in a hug. It was Bryce. He hugged me as my tears flowed; turned to the guy I had liked and reprimanded him. Then still holding me in his arms he lead me to his car, sat me down and we talked. It was the sweetest thing ever. As I wiped away my tears, he looked me straight in the eye and told me he thought I was beautiful. Straightforward, plain and simple. It was not a pity comment, he really meant it. I can’t remember there being a moment in my life that meant that much.
The door bell just rang. Gerard is here.
1:30am ish?
Technically today is a new day…
The Christmas party is over. I am officially engaged with Gerard…
This evening couldn’t have gone better. I have imagined many different scenarios of how I would have liked my future husband to propose. Gerard topped them all.
He arrived on time to pick me up at my house. He shared a quick “hello-goodbye” with my parents and then we rushed off to the party. He looked very nice in his navy blue suite. He did not bring me any flowers; I guess I was a little disappointed. We shared some small talk in the car, but nothing exciting. I had never gone to one of his office parties before so I was a little nervous about knowing how to act appropriately. (Gerard says I worry too much about making a good impression. He says I worry too much in general…which is probably horribly true.)
I’ll skip anymore boring details and get straight into the office environment. The room where the party was being held was beautifully decorated in Christmas colors. There was a live band playing Christmas and ballads.
Walking into the party
Boss: Good evening Mr. Valdespino.
Gerard: Good evening Mr. Palms.
Boss: Who is this beautiful woman you are with?
Gerard: This is my girlfriend Desiree.
We shook hands. His boss smiled. “A firm handshake from a woman, I like that. It means you are sure of yourself.”
I smiled politely, even though I wasn’t sure what he meant by that. Was he insinuating that I’m conceited?? (What is wrong with me? This is the first time I’m meeting the guy, why would he think that? My mind is imaging things. I need to relax!)
A couple of Gerard’s co-workers guided us to some empty seats at their table. We sat down and chatted with the people at the table for a long time. I was happy to find out that there was another young girl there that enjoys reading, so we got talking about random books.
As the evening went on, more couples got up to dance. Pretty soon it was just Gerard and I sitting at the table. I was looking at the music band when I felt his hand on my lap. I looked up to find him untying his tie.
“Here…” he handed me his tie. “Help me put it on.”
“Why?” I asked. “I mean you just had it tied on perfectly.”
“We need to seem a bit ‘lovey-dovey’. Stand close to me as you tie it on.”
We were still sitting at the table, so I pulled my chair closer to his. I could smell his wonderful cologne and it almost made me dizzy. My arms were around his neck for a second; I could feel him staring down at me.
“Rae…” he said” Look up at me for a second…”
I looked up into his eyes.
“Yes?” I asked, my eyes tracing his face.
“I had never noticed… your eyes are hazel. I always thought they were black.”
I laughed at his observation. When I talk with my friends or new persons, I always look at them in their eyes, Gerard on the contrary, hardly ever looks into people’s eyes. I finished tying his tie and started to move my chair back when he leaned towards me and kissed my cheek.
“Thank you.”
In the background I could hear this boss, standing on the podium, giving a Christmas speech, thanking his workers for their hard work…etc. Suddenly I heard everyone clapping, so looked over to see the boss getting off the stand. The band resume playing Christmas songs, Gerard stood up and invited me to dance. The band had beautiful slow festive songs. When the first dance finished his boss came up to me and asked me for the following dance. As we danced he started up small talk with me.
“I know the look of being in love.” He said. “You have it in your eyes every time you look at him. But Gerry… his stare towards you is not as deep.”
“Gerard covers his feelings more than I do.” I said defensively. “I hardly see how it’s your business how your employee expresses his affection to his girlfriend.
Mr. Palms smiled politely and apologized for seeming intrusive. The song ended and I excused myself.
I was standing near another table talking with one of his co-workers, Gina when I heard him call my name over the microphone. I turned around and saw him standing two meters away from me. He was smiling.
“Desiree…You look beautiful tonight.”
I am sure that blushed.
“I have something I’d like to ask you…” then he got down on one knee and holding one hand over his heart and the other putting down the microphone, he asked “Will you marry me?”
I was shocked… the way he asked was so romantic. I had small tears forming in my eyes and I walked to where he was kneeling.
“Yes” I said, almost in a whisper. “Yes…”
Everyone clapped around us. Gina, yelled “Let’s see the ring! Let’s see a kiss!”
Gerard stood up and pulled out a little black box and opened it. Inside was a beautiful white gold ring with a simple diamond in the shape of a snowflake. (how did he know? How did he remember that snowflakes were my favorite thing)
He pulled it out of the box and handed it to me. As I looked at it, I saw something engraved around it. “I’ll always love you.”
“You had it engraved?” I exclaimed. He nodded, smiled as he put the ring on my finger and kissed me. At first the kiss was quick and as he pulled away he stared into my eyes. Then he leaned in and gave me a long and soft kiss. I could feel him gently part my lips with his kiss and take my breath away. The crowed around us “ooohhh”ed and “awwwed”. It was embarrassing!! Everyone congratulated us. I couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the evening…
Around midnight, Gerard decided it was time to take me home so we could talk to my parents. As we were driving in the car, my thoughts kept going back to the sudden kiss he gave me in front of his whole office.
“Gerry, can I ask you something?”
“Sure. What is it?”
“Do you remember two years ago at my birthday party at my house we played ‘spin the bottle’?”
He laughed at the memory. “Yes of course. I remember how nervous you were because you had never played it before and all our classmates were there. Why do you ask?”
“Well, because, do you remember we kissed?”
“Raee, I wouldn’t call it a kiss. We had a quick lip contact.” He looked at me out of the corner of his eye. “You can call what happened in the office a kiss...”
Now I was a bit nervous. “Well, at my birthday it was my first lip contact, so I count it as a first kiss, today being the second. My real question is… Had you ever kissed a girl before that or since?”
The green light before us was blinking and it turned to yellow, the car came to a stop as the light turned red. Gerard stared straight ahead; I could see him bite his lower lip, meaning he was thinking.
“No. Actually, now that I think about it, I’d never kissed a girl before. You would be my first and only girl kiss.” He turned to me and smiled.
I could feel a small glow of satisfaction when he told me I was his “first and only” female kiss. A part of me selfishly always wanted it to stay that way. I know I would always be his first, but I also wanted to be his last.
I leaned across the seat and kissed him on the cheek. He looped his arm around me and kissed the top of my head.
“How do you think your parents will react?” he asks as the traffic light turns green again.
“My dad will probably pull out his shot gun and want to kill you. My mom will be confused, but happy for me.” I laughed as I looked at his face turn into a nervous expression. “I guess in the end, they will congratulate us.”
I was lost in thought as we drove up to the front of my house. Gerard opened the car door and held my hand until we got to the front door. I told him to wait in the living-room and I would get my parents. Luckily they were upstairs in their P.J.s and bathrobe watching T.V. I asked them to come downstairs. They were a little surprised at the request, but they followed me downstairs.
Gerard: Good evening Mr. and Mrs. Knightly
Mother: Good evening Gerard.
Father: What is this about?
Gerard: I know this may be sudden, but I have asked your daughter to marry me.
Mother: Pardon?
Me: He asked me to marry him and I said ‘yes’.
Father: Are you sure?
Me: (laughing) Yes, dad. I am sure.
Mother: Wow! Oh my gosh. You’re getting married!!
My parents hugged us both. My dad still seemed surprise, but he’d always liked Gerard. My mother, the only one that knew our marriage would be a fake, was a bit upset. However she faked a smile and congratulated us.
“We’re thinking of getting married in a year.” Andrew told them. “In December, since Desirae always dreamt of a winter wedding.”
I was touched that he was going to let me have my dream wedding, a winter wedding, since he’d always wanted a summer wedding. We stayed up talking for about another hour.
As I walked Gerard outside to his car, we agreed to talk the next day to discuss “our future”.
“I really appreciate you doing this for me.” He said.
“You are my best friend…The best relationships are based on friendship.” I told him.
He smiled and told me he’d call me tomorrow to come pick me up.
] END OF DIARY ENTRY #4. It seems like ages ago when we got engaged. I’ve often tried to reenact the proposal by writing into my novels; however it never seems to fit. My best friend Penny, often tells me: “That proposal was meant to be written just in your story.”
Maybe she is right. XOXO
Desirae
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marriage,
gerard,
love,
wedding,
winter,
memories,
desirae,
dream,
work,
college,
proposal
