Gross! LOL...romantic ideas

Dear Blog,
I can't believe Christmas is over already. Seems like it went by TOO fast. Now we are just days away from the start of a new year.

I was flipping through a book that our friend Sarah gave us for Christmas, it's titled "Best Romantic Ideas 365 Great ways to say I Love You". She told us that it seems like our "passion" is dying down and that we should try and find a way to reignite it. Personally, I think Gerry and I are happier than we have been in awhile and I really believe Sarah should mind her own business. However, I was curious to find out what ideas the book had, so I figured I'd skim through it. (I showed Gerry the book after the first couple of suggestions and he chose some things he'd like to do.. haha)

I came across a couple sections and randomly choose what to do. We are not sure if these ideas work or if they are fail-proof....Maybe we are only suppose to try on idea per day.

Look at your lover straight in the eye and say "I love you."
Gerard was sitting on the couch playing on his I-Pad. So I figured I'd give this one a try and see what happened. Sitting next to him, I cuddled up to his arm, got him to look up at me for a second and I said "I love you." It felt a little weird doing this at first, but honestly, as soon as he looked at me straight in my eyes, the words came out naturally. When I said it, I really meant it. He smiled, stared at me a little longer before replying "I love you too."

Kiss for at least fifteen seconds
I know that the idea behind this was probably not to time the exact duration of the kiss, but I'm pretty meticulous and I wanted to see if we could last 15 seconds. So I set the timer on my phone, leaned in and started kissing him. He was surprised at my sudden kissing assault but gladly went with it. We didn't last 15 seconds because as soon as he started kissing me back I got embarrassed and ended up breaking the kiss.
I give this suggestion 5 stars because it was a pretty romantic-hot moment.

See how long you can kiss without coming up for air.
Ok, so once the kissing got started I figured we could try this one too. At least to see how long we lasted. So I leaned in again and said "Kiss me."
"I thought I just did." He replied.
"Yes, so...continue." I smiled then puckered up.
"Why the sudden kissing spree?" He said, setting his IPad on the coffee table in front of us.
"Stop talking and just kiss me." I pulled him towards me, so he was laying on top of me for the kiss. "I bet I can kiss you longer than you can kiss me." I said teasing him. Fortunately he didn't comment on that and just kiss me, but it didn't last for long. He started talking in between kisses.
*kiss* so *kiss* what's *kiss* for *kiss* dinner? *kiss**kiss*

SO...that ended the moment and we decided to plan something for dinner. Which brings me to the following suggestion from the book:

Drink a glass of champagne. Toast your lovely partnership.
I really wanted to try this out on New Years, but by now Gerry had seen the book I was reading and getting the romantic suggestions from. He liked this suggestion and decided he wanted to try it out. We filled two glasses with champagne and a strawberry and gave a lovely toast to our 3rd year anniversary. It was sweet and after all that kissing, it felt very romantic.

Rub noses.
Word to the wise. DON'T rub noses after having sipped on champagne (or any alcoholic beverage on an empty stomach). The romantic idea didn't work well with us. Rubbing noses with Gerry only got me a very loud and disturbing burp on his behalf in my face... ugh. I feel sick just remembering it.
You know how the cartoon character's lips vibrate when the burp? Ok, well imagine that but on a real person and in.your.face..... Enough said!

Feed each other breakfast.
As a couple we don't like or do many "lovey-dovey" things; such as feeding each other. It grosses me out and I think it makes him feel emasculated. But I guess after having tried several of the other suggestions in the book we considered this one. We made tiny sandwiches and fruit salad for dinner. (for dessert we each had a slice of pecan pie.) We tried feeding it to each other under candlelight dinner, but felt awkward and ended up laughing it off. I get that perhaps sandwiches are to hard to feed to another person, at least it's hard to eat a sandwich and look sexy doing it. Also, eating a fruit salad gets messy too. haha. We aren't romantic experts here, but we did have fun.

Brush each other's hair.
When Gerry and I read this suggestion we thought it was extremely childish and silly. However after feeling like we'd been silly enough trying out previous suggestions from the book, we figured that it might be a nice ending to our evening. So I pulled out my brush and he brushed my hair, while I combed his hair. We started out by brushing the hair exaggeratedly slow and inventing romantic phrases. It was therapeutic to be silly and laugh at our behavior.
After awhile of laying on the couch brushing each others hair, it got to be very relaxing, it felt like a head massage.

Well... after that, we did get our kiss to last more than 15 seconds!!

Till next time!
love

Desirae

Thinking about a Baby!!

 

It’s late, or perhaps early. It is Easter. Tomorrow we are getting together with the family to celebrate Easter. Gerard leaves tomorrow, Sunday night, to go back to work Monday. It was great having him “home” these past couple of days. Some days it is hard not having him around, but the distance in our relationship has helped us a lot.

This is a quick note, maybe a quick entry that I wanted to write down so that when I have bad days I can read this and cheer up a bit.

Today Gerard and I were looking at baby pictures, random baby pictures online. People uploaded pictures of their kids with the Easter Bunny. We started looking at pictures and could not stop. We were awing and ohhing over the various pictures and started talking about babies.

We had a serious talk about babies, about the possibility of starting our own family after July when he come back. We have not told anyone else and we probably won’t talk about it again until I go and visit him in June.

I had to write about this. I have to remember this wonderful butterfly feeling of my husband wanting to start a family with me. Remember the love and consideration of a family, of a little baby in our life.

I can’t wait until July…maybe this was the hidden reason why I should stick with my substitute job. Maybe I was meant to start practicing for a part-time job, so I could focus on getting the house ready, focus on nesting! Haha.

It is late and I feel silly writing about this. But I am giddy with excitement. Maybe I will come back to this post and elaborate…late.

Take care!!

Desirae Valdespino

Communication. Making your choice….

 

WARNING! This entry contains ‘stronger language’ than usual and some sexual references. You must be over 18 to proceed. Caution is advised.

 

Dear Blog,

There are small things about Gerry for which I am grateful for. I don’t mean that he only has minor things which make him a great person, I mean that there are things he does, aspects of his personality, that remind me why I love him.

One thing I am very grateful for is the fact that he won’t run out on our arguments. He will not walk out of the room when we are arguing. He sticks by me, he takes the time to work it out with me and he takes the time to communicate with me.

The other night was no expectation. As much as I am still hurt by what he did, what he said, I am grateful that he stayed in the house with me.

After walking out of the room and shutting myself in the “guest” bedroom, Gerry came knocking on the door. I didn’t want to let him in. I didn’t want to hear what he had to say. I wanted to erase what I had seen. I guess he knew I would not him in, so he just knocked and said he would be down in the kitchen with a fresh pot of coffee. He said he would wait in the kitchen to talk with me.

There was something in his voice that calmed my nerves a little. I can’t describe what it was in his voice that made me Want to walk downstairs and talk with him. I could feel anger boiling up inside me. I felt like just hearing the sound of his voice would make me sick and I would start screaming at him again.

I walked into the kitchen to find him sitting at the table drinking coffee. He had placed a cup of hot cocoa on my placemat. He motioned for me to sit down in front of me across the table. I sat down without touching my drink. I was about to say something when he raised his hand, stopping me from talking.

“I am still drunk Rae, so please don’t start screaming at me. I know you are angry, I know you are on the verge of slicing me into pieces, but for the sake of helping prevent an even bigger headache, don’t scream.”

“I will do my best…”

He took a big breath before looked me in the eye, fiddling with the napkin in front of him. “We…our marriage…when we entered this partnership we knew it would be challenging. I knew that if there was anyone that could make this work it would be you, but at the same time I also thought that I would have a life partner with me. I thought Bryce and I were going to last forever. I have never felt more alone than when he moved out…and then moved on…”

I leaned forward, put my hand on his hand. “I know you were hurt and I am here for you…”

“I know you are here for me, and geez, your love and support helps me a lot. Your love is a big part of my life, but there are some areas where your love is not enough. It does not mean I don’t love you, you know I do. But you have to understand, fully comprehend, that there are things I need that you can’t give me. There are sentimental and physical aspects that only another man can give me.”

“If you asked me to, I would do it…”

“No.” he stood up and pulled the chair closer to me. “Desirae, I could not ask that of you. You cannot fulfill those needs because you need to do it for Love before Lust. What we have is special and as desperate as I feel sometimes, I do not want us to be lovers. A physical relationship would ruin us.”

“Why do you say that? Why would it ruin us?”

“Because I would be doing it for simply sex and you would be doing it for love. You are a romantic, and you won’t understand the emotional baggage behind a physical relationship until you find the right guy.”

A part of me knew that what he was saying made sense. We have never gone beyond a passionate kiss, and even then, there were emotions attached . Allowing something stronger to happen would ruin us, it would ruin me. It would haunt me very time he went out with someone. “So are you saying that because you have needs, it allows you to bring random men to the house and I’m not supposed to say anything?”

“No, you are right about this being our home. I should not bring one night stands here. If anything is going to happen, we will go to his place or somewhere else.”

I felt like my head was in a cloud, stuffed with emotions I could not categorize. And I could not think of what to say, so I robotically said “Thank you.” He pulled me into a strong embrace.

“Gerard…”

“hmmm?”

“You stink like his aftershave…” I pulled away from his embrace. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to be rude. I just need to process this. I need to feel okay with all that you just said. It will sink it, but until it does, I just need some space to breath, to think.” I could feel tears in my eyes again, a rollercoaster of emotions stirred my heart. I don’t think that in that moment I was crying because of pity, I think my tears were from relief, from appreciating that he talked with me.

“Don’t cry darling…” he handed me a napkin.

“Gerry, thank you for talking to me. Thank for listening when I get upset. Thank you for taking a moment to sit down and talk about this with me. I appreciate you staying and talking this through.”

“Well, I could not let you go to bed angry or hurt. I mean, I saw you run after that guy with a knife!” he answered jokingly. “I might have been a little worried about my safety.”

I stood there in silence looking at each other for a couple minutes. I don’t know what was going through his mind, maybe he was still waiting for the buzz to die down. I kept replaying the conversation we had just shared. I don’t think it went as fluid or “calm” like I wrote, but I think Gerard got his point across. He made the choice of being “straight married” and if he didn’t have any other needs, then that would be enough. Unfortunately, there is something else missing, something that I will never be able to give.

 

 

My emotions are still a mess. I don’t know why wrote this down. I don’t know why I’m trying to make sense of this publically. I think this is just my way of “talking out loud”.

 

Thanks for listening. This was probably the most “raw” entry I’ve done inwhile. I hope it wasn’t too personal.

Till next time.

Desirae

Careful With What You Do & Say

 

Dear Blog,

I knew when I married Gerry that it wouldn’t just be the two of us. I knew that there would always be someone else, someone who truly held his heart. But I expected that other person to be someone I knew, someone I could trust. I thought that other person would always be Bryce. It never occurred to me that they would break up or that Bryce would move away. When it happened I didn’t think much of it because I was thrilled that I would be spending ‘alone’ time with Gerard. I was foolishly exciting about starting a life with my husband.

I forgot for awhile that it’s never “just the two of us”. There is always another man in the picture, there is always another person on his mind.

Today I was reminded of that ‘ugly truth’. I was reminded that he’s not just mine to love.

 

I went to work in the morning to see if the books I ordered for the classes next year came in.  My coordinator has been on my case about ordering the books so  she can approve them before sending out the list of School Supplies to the parents.  Unfortunately the books hadn’t come in yet, so I spend the morning on the phone with the delivery people trying to figure out why there was a delay. It was a hectic morning. Then during the afternoon I went shopping for some new bath towels. The ones we have in our bathroom are getting discolored and the fabric seems to be thinning. They aren’t in good shape anymore!! I found some very nice light green towels, but they didn’t match the master bathroom. I bought a set of the hand towels because they match the half bathroom downstairs. It took me awhile to find nice (*inexpensive*) bath towels for the master bathroom, but after a couple hours of browsing through stores I found thick, fluffy beige towels. I am very pleased with them. The fabric is very sturdy and thick and they are jumbo size. I could probably pass them off as beach towels if I wanted to.

Gerard wanted me to get plain white towels, but I think that is too boring. The bathroom is a very neutral color and I wanted to brighten up the place a bit. I know beige doesn’t do much, but at least it is a little hint of color. While I was in the bathroom department I found some creative looking soaps that smell like almonds.

I couldn’t wait to get home and fix the bathroom to surprise Gerry. I’d spent most of the day at moll shopping so it was almost 7:00pm when I arrived to the house. I had told my mother I would stop by and visit with her, but I called her up and canceled. I wanted to get home and prepare dinner. As I pulled into the driveway I was surprised to see Gerry’s car along with another car parked behind him. I figured that he brought over a client or maybe a family member had stopped by.

I walked into the house and saw him sitting on the couch in the TV room passionately kissing another man. I noticed two empty wine glasses on the table, it was clear that they had been drinking for awhile.   I was taken aback and my jaw dropped as I observed what was happening before my eyes. I dropped the bags I was holding and sound they made when they hit the floor interrupted the two men.

“Gerry!?” I exclaimed as I noticed his messing hair, unbuttoned shirt and unclasped belt. I felt sick at my stomach.

“Rae!” He looked surprised to see me, but he didn’t try and concealing what was going on. “I thought you weren’t coming home until later tonight…” I could hear that his speech was a bit sluggish. He was drunk.

“I—I…” My brain froze. I couldn’t think of what to say. Was I actually feeling guilty for come home early?? I’d be damned if he made me feel bad!

The man, the stranger next to my husband, stared me down as if he had every right to be there and I was the maid. He turned to Gerry and asked; “Who is that?” By the sound of his voice, he was also slightly drunk.

I threw my hands up in the air out of exasperation. I couldn’t believe it! The gall of him asking WHO I was. I heard Gerard answer that I was his wife…at least he was being honest.

“You are married?” the stranger exclaimed.

I walked up to him, grabbing the shirt and jacket that were on the floor next to him and threw them at him. “Yes!” I yelled. “I am his wife…Now. Get. Out!”

The stranger made no attempt to move, instead he seemed to have a smirk on his face. Gerry stood up and putting his hands on my shoulder tried calming me down. I shoved him away and I continued to scream at the guy to leave. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a chopping knife on the drying board in the kitchen. Somewhere or somehow I got the nerve to walk into the kitchen pick up the knife and walk back into the TV. Well, that got the stranger moving!! He jumped up off the cough and clumsily reached for his shirt and shoes. Gerry held his hands up as if trying to stop me. I waved the knife in the stranger’s direction. I didn’t have any real intention of harming him, I merely wanted to scare him and get him out of the house.

“I said, Get Out of My House, NOW!!!” I was so angry and hurt. As I continued to yell ‘Get Out!’ I felt hot tears run down my cheeks. The guy ran out of the house, got in his car and drove away faster than anyone I’d ever seen. I don’t think I’ll  be seeing him again. As his car disappeared into the distance, a full blast of emotions hit me and dropping the knife I fell to my knees. I couldn't stop the tears from falling and I felt like my heart was being ripped.

“Rae… I…” Gerry leaned down and tried putting his arm on my shoulder, but I shoved him away.

“Who is he?” I asked.  “How long have you known him?”

“I…” Gerard sat down on the couch and tried tucking in his shirt. I could tell he was trying to get his thoughts together. I was terrified of the answer he was going to give me. “I met him at a bar the other night when I had drinks with my co-workers.”

“You met him at a bar… the other day…” I couldn’t believe it. “You went for drinks two days ago. Are you saying you met this guy two days ago?..” I was so mad at him I started screaming at him. “Gerry, what the hell were you thinking!! This is our home!! Not your personal brothel! You are married!..”

“It’s not a real marriage Desirae! Stop believing this lie!! This isn’t real! I only married you because of my job!” He yelled back at me waving his hands in the air. “I’m so sick of your silly romance and your jealously. Get it for once in your head that this isn’t a real marriage, it never was and it never will  be…”

“I know this isn’t real! You never stop repeating that. I know this marriage means nothing to you.”   I said as I screamed back. “I know that I will never be enough for you and I know all to well what benefits you get by pretending to have a perfect marriage…but this is beyond just my ‘silly romance or jealousy’. Have you thought of what could happen if anyone saw you with a man? Have you even thought of what could happen if that One Night stand leads to your ‘secret’ being exposed?…”

Gerry stared at me as I continued to yell at him. “You don’t know that man! Think of what you are doing!! Now I never said anything when Bryce was around because I knew him. I trusted him. I knew that he would never expose your secret or gain any information that could be used against you…Bryce knew about me, he knew you had a wife. You have somewhat of a moral commitment. You still don’t get that you aren’t alone. You’re actions don’t just affect you, they could affect me and your family…”

Gerard listen to every word I said, I could tell  he still had a buzz from the wine, but I knew he was listening to my argument. It didn’t change the fact that I was, am, angry at him.

“I am sorry…” he finally said. “You are right I wasn’t thinking. But I think you are over thinking this, it was just going to be a one time thing…”

“If you want a one night stand then take your date to a motel!! Don’t you ever bring a stranger into our home!” I ran upstairs and locked myself in the guest bedroom, my old room.

I hear Gerry moving around downstairs and I think he’ll be coming up later to go to bed. I can’t look at him right now. I can’t stand him this moment. He didn’t say much and he doesn’t seem worried about what happened. I am disgusted and hurt. I knew that Gerry would find someone else after Bryce left, but I expected for it to be slower and something real…

I can’t write anymore. I am tired… I just wish  he knew to be careful with the way he acts and the things he says or doesn’t say.

 

I can’t stay if this is how things will be…

 

till next time

Desirae Valdespino

Dear Gerry,

Dear Gerry,
The truth is I don't want to find another guy that could make me feel the way I feel about you.
Maybe I am scared at the possiblity of another man in my life stealing your shine.
Or I am just scared.
The truth is that I love how you understand me and make me smile. I love that you understand me even when I feel like I am not making sense.
Thank you for everything.
Thank you for lots of fond memories.
Thank you for loving me in your own special way.

Always yours

Desirae Valdespino

COUNTDOWN!! Best Surprise Ever!!

Gerry surprised me with tickets for Orlando Florida this Summer!! He is taking me for a nice vacation!! 

I'm so happy!!! The countdown begins!!

FAQ’s III

 

 

1) How were you able to afford a house?

How were you able to afford a house if you were newlyweds? What was your process to find the house?

It wasn’t easy, that is for sure. When Gerard proposed I still had a one more year of college to finish. He had graduated earlier and was working. I worked a lot of part-time jobs while I finished my studies. Basically we had a whole year to save up for our house. We started house hunting around May 2010 and in August we found “the perfect” house.

Gerard and I had a yearlong engagement, so that gave us enough time to save up for a house. Originally we started saving up for an apartment, and of course, the wedding. As elaborate as the wedding was, we didn’t spend a lot on it. The center pieces and most of the decorations were made by family members. Probably a big amount of the money used to buy the house came from me. I sold the rights to one of my novels that I had turned into a screenplay to a local Movie company. They paid me a lot for the story, since they turned it into television series and they asked me to give up 100% any ownership over it. Basically we bought the house with our savings.

 

2) Your husband seems to be able to offer you economic stability. Why do you work?

Gerry is working; he should be able to support you, why don’t you quit?

I love my job and I love working. I feel like I’m still too young to be “tied-down” by just being a housewife. Gerry and I have spoken about the possibility of one of us not working in the future, but right now we are both content with our jobs. Also, I feel like I worked too hard in college to simply graduate and then not put to use some of the knowledge I gained. My job hours are still shorter than Gerry’s work hours, so I have time to be home and do my wife duties.

 

3) You said that before you rarely stayed in the same room (bedroom). What has changed since you began staying in the same bed?

Hahaha. I think I know what you are hinting at. I’m not answering this question. I’m merely addressing it because I get similar questions about “what happens in the bedroom…” I write about our life, but what happens in the bedroom stays there.

 

4) I’m getting married to my best friend in 2 months. I’ve been following your story for awhile. I was wondering what song you and your husband danced to during the reception?

Congratulations on your wedding! Enjoy your special day; it really goes by so fast! Gerry and I danced to “For the First Time” by Ron Stewart. We debated about what song we should dance to. Our Top Five options were; “I love you baby”, “For the first time”, “From this moment”, “When you kiss me”, and “Amazed”. We threw out the last two options because these were songs that we’d danced with our Ex’s at some point.

 

5) How are your brother-in-laws? Do you have a good relationship with them?

Yes. I have a nice relationship with them. They are usually busy with their jobs, so we rarely see each other, except at family get-togethers. I don’t write a lot about them, because when we see them, nothing exciting happens. I probably should include them, just to add something interesting to our life.

 

6) After your recent trip to promote your book and the Stop Bullying Campaign, have you considered what would happen if your job asked you to relocate?

Your question is indeed something that has been on my mind a bit. It has occurred to me that at any point Gerard’s job or my job could require for us to relocate. I think that if that happened to Gerry, I wouldn’t think about it too much and simply move. I would look for another job and find a way to make things work. I don’t know if Gerry would do the same for me, but I’d like to think so. Obviously before the move we would have to consider if the job offer is worth it or not.

 

7) What is the best gift you have gotten for or from each other?

One of my favorite gifts from Gerry is a life-size stuffed animal bear; which is called ThunderBear. Gerard knows that I don’t like thunder storms. They make me nervous and I’ll admit that I’m a little afraid of loud storms. So, before we stayed in the same room, he bought me a huge bear to hug during stormy nights. I love that bear because it is very soft and it has long arms that are comfy to wrap around me.

I think that one of the best gifts that he’s gotten from me, is a fancy wristwatch and on the back of it I had engraved “I always have time for you”

 

8) Does your husband read your stories or novels?

I have been asked this question a lot and I have avoided it for awhile. I mainly didn’t want to answer it because I was embarrassed with the answer, yet after thinking it over; I realized it doesn’t make any difference. Gerard doesn’t read anything I write. He’ll listen to my ideas for stories and maybe read a couple draft ideas, but doesn’t read the final product. I am relieved at the fact that he’s not really interested in my books. I write mostly fiction and he prefers historical novels or books that are in the NewYork Bestsellers. It’s actually good that he’s not interested in my books because I don’t would like him criticizing my characters! He is supportive of my “paying-hobby” but that’s the extent of his involvement in my stories.

 

9) Have you met each other’s Ex’s? How did you react?

We have met each other’s former romantic interests, but it’s never gone beyond a random encounter at the supermarket or on the street. If you want to hear story of one encounter with Ex’s, here goes:

One of Gerry’s’ old flame got married (to a girl) last year. We got an invitation for the wedding, but opted not to go because it would be awkward. We sent a nice gift and wished them a happy life. When I was in High School I dated a guy for a few months. He wasn’t exclusive, so I didn’t consider him to be my boyfriend. The relationship ended because he was always treating me badly. He would say horrible things to me, making me feel ugly and unwanted. One day, while we were in college, Gerard and I went on a friend-date to the movies. As we were leaving the movie theater we ran into my EX. (I had told Gerry about him previously). EX walked up to me and said a vulgar comment. He started making fun of me again. Gerard stood up for me by putting EX in his place and standing with me. His support during that horrible encounter was priceless, and he showed me that I was worth more than what my EX said.

 

10) Do you playfully do things that bother one other?

Yes! He leaves things laying around the house or give me sloppy kisses on the forehead! (ugh!!!)

And I pretend to burn his outfits or accidently shrink his shirts. Hahaha

 

 

Thanks for your questions!! I’ll be posting more later!

Have a wonderful day!

Till Next Time

Desirae Valdespino