So I've looked everywhere for the ring.
EVERYWHERE! and its nowhere to be found. I had to break the new to Gerard last night. It wasn't easy. I hope I'm able to express how it went.
I spoke with Gerry yesterday before we left for Mystery Night. He came over to my house to pick me up.
When I told him, he thought I was joking, but when he saw me crying he realized I was serious. I was (am) so upset that I started shaking. He was annoyed with me. He threw his hands up in the air and kept repeating "What! How?!"
All I could say was how sorry I was, but it didn't help. He was angry and he had every right to be. I had seen him mad before, last night, it was intense. He's olive skin turned red and I was afraid he was going to storm out of the house. But he stayed. Yelling at me, but he remained with me so we could face the problem and discuss it.
"I don't understand Rae. How did it happen?" He sat down next to me on the couch by the entrance way. "I feel almost insulted that you would misplace something of the value..."
"I'm so sorry...I don't..." I couldn't continue talking, because I started having an asthma attack. I couldn't breath and I started panicking (again). Gerry had never seen or known that I had asthma problems so he wouldn't know what to do. As I started making awful inhaling noises, he stared at me in shock.
"Rae!" He took my arms and kept opening his mouth as if he was going to say something. Suddenly he got very serious and said "Stop it! Enough!"
I stared at him trying to calm my breathing but his yelling was upsetting me more. He grabbed my arms and pulled me into a strong hug and said "Calm down, breath, slowing...breath with me." He began inhaling and exhaling loudly so I could try and imitate him. He cupped my face with his hands and stared into my eyes. "Breath. Relax. Don't get so upset. We can't do anything about it now. I need you to calm down..."
He kept saying calm words to me. I could tell by looking in his eyes that he was getting nervous. No one was at home and he knew he had to calm me down. I closed my eyes and listened to his words, to his breathing and with him hugging me I listened to his heartbeat.
Calm
Steady
Honest
"I'm ok..." I said once i got my barrings.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes...I'm just...sorry. About everything.."
He patted me on my back. "Well you should be! We haven't even gotten married and you're breaking down on me."
I laughed. He was making jokes and also calm. We talked a little bit and he began telling me that he was a little upset about the ring. But that was to expected from a groom who paid a good amount of money for the perfect ring that his bride wanted. He also said that the wedding ring would be a little fancier so that it would make up for the missing engagement one.
"Don't stress about it." He said walking me out to his car. "It's gone and maybe it is for the best. I know you loved the ring, but it looked gaudy. It looked beautiful in the case. But once you tried it on, it just wasn't you..."
I was still embarrassed, but thanked him for taking it so nicely. "I will make it up to you. Somehow. I promise."
"I don't need you to make it up to me. It was an accident. I know you. You are a very organized person and you never loose things. So I can't be mad at you for long...all I want." He got into the car and started the ignition. "...is that you keep that promise being honesty with me. Why didn't you ever tell me you had an asthma problem? Finding out like this wasn't the best way."
"The subject never came up and I haven't had an attack in years. It was something I suffered through when I was younger..." I answered while I fiddled with the strap on my purse.
"Still, it's important. You are important to me. I don't want anything happening to you." He placed his hand over mine, stopping my fiddling.
"I promise to be a lot more honesty with you. Don't worry, I won't let anything happen to me before you get your promotion."
"You know that's not what I meant by asking you to take care of yourself."
I didn't answer. I didn't know what to say. He was still a bit upset, but he was being nice with me. I feel ashamed. I feel like I am already letting him down.
We didn't discuss the ring again during the rest of the evening.
Mystery Night turned out to be a nice dinner on the roof-top of his best friend's restaurant.
It was a beautiful evening and I have to say that I enjoyed the rest of the evening. The food was delicious, the wine flavorful, and the conversation exciting. We discussed the future, work, and random topics in general. It felt like old times when we would stay up late at night studying for a mid-term exam.
It is almost 11pm now. I should go to bed.
xoxo
Desirae
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