Dear Blog,
I knew when I married Gerry that it wouldn’t just be the two of us. I knew that there would always be someone else, someone who truly held his heart. But I expected that other person to be someone I knew, someone I could trust. I thought that other person would always be Bryce. It never occurred to me that they would break up or that Bryce would move away. When it happened I didn’t think much of it because I was thrilled that I would be spending ‘alone’ time with Gerard. I was foolishly exciting about starting a life with my husband.
I forgot for awhile that it’s never “just the two of us”. There is always another man in the picture, there is always another person on his mind.
Today I was reminded of that ‘ugly truth’. I was reminded that he’s not just mine to love.
I went to work in the morning to see if the books I ordered for the classes next year came in. My coordinator has been on my case about ordering the books so she can approve them before sending out the list of School Supplies to the parents. Unfortunately the books hadn’t come in yet, so I spend the morning on the phone with the delivery people trying to figure out why there was a delay. It was a hectic morning. Then during the afternoon I went shopping for some new bath towels. The ones we have in our bathroom are getting discolored and the fabric seems to be thinning. They aren’t in good shape anymore!! I found some very nice light green towels, but they didn’t match the master bathroom. I bought a set of the hand towels because they match the half bathroom downstairs. It took me awhile to find nice (*inexpensive*) bath towels for the master bathroom, but after a couple hours of browsing through stores I found thick, fluffy beige towels. I am very pleased with them. The fabric is very sturdy and thick and they are jumbo size. I could probably pass them off as beach towels if I wanted to.
Gerard wanted me to get plain white towels, but I think that is too boring. The bathroom is a very neutral color and I wanted to brighten up the place a bit. I know beige doesn’t do much, but at least it is a little hint of color. While I was in the bathroom department I found some creative looking soaps that smell like almonds.
I couldn’t wait to get home and fix the bathroom to surprise Gerry. I’d spent most of the day at moll shopping so it was almost 7:00pm when I arrived to the house. I had told my mother I would stop by and visit with her, but I called her up and canceled. I wanted to get home and prepare dinner. As I pulled into the driveway I was surprised to see Gerry’s car along with another car parked behind him. I figured that he brought over a client or maybe a family member had stopped by.
I walked into the house and saw him sitting on the couch in the TV room passionately kissing another man. I noticed two empty wine glasses on the table, it was clear that they had been drinking for awhile. I was taken aback and my jaw dropped as I observed what was happening before my eyes. I dropped the bags I was holding and sound they made when they hit the floor interrupted the two men.
“Gerry!?” I exclaimed as I noticed his messing hair, unbuttoned shirt and unclasped belt. I felt sick at my stomach.
“Rae!” He looked surprised to see me, but he didn’t try and concealing what was going on. “I thought you weren’t coming home until later tonight…” I could hear that his speech was a bit sluggish. He was drunk.
“I—I…” My brain froze. I couldn’t think of what to say. Was I actually feeling guilty for come home early?? I’d be damned if he made me feel bad!
The man, the stranger next to my husband, stared me down as if he had every right to be there and I was the maid. He turned to Gerry and asked; “Who is that?” By the sound of his voice, he was also slightly drunk.
I threw my hands up in the air out of exasperation. I couldn’t believe it! The gall of him asking WHO I was. I heard Gerard answer that I was his wife…at least he was being honest.
“You are married?” the stranger exclaimed.
I walked up to him, grabbing the shirt and jacket that were on the floor next to him and threw them at him. “Yes!” I yelled. “I am his wife…Now. Get. Out!”
The stranger made no attempt to move, instead he seemed to have a smirk on his face. Gerry stood up and putting his hands on my shoulder tried calming me down. I shoved him away and I continued to scream at the guy to leave. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a chopping knife on the drying board in the kitchen. Somewhere or somehow I got the nerve to walk into the kitchen pick up the knife and walk back into the TV. Well, that got the stranger moving!! He jumped up off the cough and clumsily reached for his shirt and shoes. Gerry held his hands up as if trying to stop me. I waved the knife in the stranger’s direction. I didn’t have any real intention of harming him, I merely wanted to scare him and get him out of the house.
“I said, Get Out of My House, NOW!!!” I was so angry and hurt. As I continued to yell ‘Get Out!’ I felt hot tears run down my cheeks. The guy ran out of the house, got in his car and drove away faster than anyone I’d ever seen. I don’t think I’ll be seeing him again. As his car disappeared into the distance, a full blast of emotions hit me and dropping the knife I fell to my knees. I couldn't stop the tears from falling and I felt like my heart was being ripped.
“Rae… I…” Gerry leaned down and tried putting his arm on my shoulder, but I shoved him away.
“Who is he?” I asked. “How long have you known him?”
“I…” Gerard sat down on the couch and tried tucking in his shirt. I could tell he was trying to get his thoughts together. I was terrified of the answer he was going to give me. “I met him at a bar the other night when I had drinks with my co-workers.”
“You met him at a bar… the other day…” I couldn’t believe it. “You went for drinks two days ago. Are you saying you met this guy two days ago?..” I was so mad at him I started screaming at him. “Gerry, what the hell were you thinking!! This is our home!! Not your personal brothel! You are married!..”
“It’s not a real marriage Desirae! Stop believing this lie!! This isn’t real! I only married you because of my job!” He yelled back at me waving his hands in the air. “I’m so sick of your silly romance and your jealously. Get it for once in your head that this isn’t a real marriage, it never was and it never will be…”
“I know this isn’t real! You never stop repeating that. I know this marriage means nothing to you.” I said as I screamed back. “I know that I will never be enough for you and I know all to well what benefits you get by pretending to have a perfect marriage…but this is beyond just my ‘silly romance or jealousy’. Have you thought of what could happen if anyone saw you with a man? Have you even thought of what could happen if that One Night stand leads to your ‘secret’ being exposed?…”
Gerry stared at me as I continued to yell at him. “You don’t know that man! Think of what you are doing!! Now I never said anything when Bryce was around because I knew him. I trusted him. I knew that he would never expose your secret or gain any information that could be used against you…Bryce knew about me, he knew you had a wife. You have somewhat of a moral commitment. You still don’t get that you aren’t alone. You’re actions don’t just affect you, they could affect me and your family…”
Gerard listen to every word I said, I could tell he still had a buzz from the wine, but I knew he was listening to my argument. It didn’t change the fact that I was, am, angry at him.
“I am sorry…” he finally said. “You are right I wasn’t thinking. But I think you are over thinking this, it was just going to be a one time thing…”
“If you want a one night stand then take your date to a motel!! Don’t you ever bring a stranger into our home!” I ran upstairs and locked myself in the guest bedroom, my old room.
I hear Gerry moving around downstairs and I think he’ll be coming up later to go to bed. I can’t look at him right now. I can’t stand him this moment. He didn’t say much and he doesn’t seem worried about what happened. I am disgusted and hurt. I knew that Gerry would find someone else after Bryce left, but I expected for it to be slower and something real…
I can’t write anymore. I am tired… I just wish he knew to be careful with the way he acts and the things he says or doesn’t say.
I can’t stay if this is how things will be…
till next time
Desirae Valdespino
No comments:
Post a Comment