FAQ Part I

 
1. How did you meet? 
We met in college during first semester, but we didn’t become good friends until third semester. One day I was sitting on a couch in the library finishing an assignment when he plopped down next to me and began talk to me. We shared some small talk for awhile and since then we hit it off.


2. How old were you when you got engaged? How old are you and Gerard?

That winter of 2009 when I got engaged I was 22 years old. I turned 23 that spring (2010), so that following winter when I got married I was 23 years old. I just turned 24 years old this past spring (2011). Gerard is a year older than me. (now in retrospect I feel like we got engaged sooo young!)

3. What has been the most challenging change you’ve faced since you got married? 
The biggest challenge I’ve dealt with is living with a man!! I grew up as an only child and even though I had male cousins, nothing compare to actually living with a guy. Heterosexual or gay, when they walk around the house in a towel or boxers it makes me feel like I’m a hysterical teenager again. Lol. Also the typical guy stuff of finding their cloths thrown around the room…ugh! I think in general the most challenging thing for me was learning to live with someone else and learning to be independent. In Gerard’s case I think the most challenging change he’s had to face is coming home to someone who’s always worried about where he is and what he’s been up to. He wasn’t ever used to having someone always waiting for him “at home”. He came and went as he wished. Now he has the responsibility of checking-in.


4. Hi! You never told us about the rest of the furnishing in your home. Are there still unfurnished parts in your house? 
We haven’t finished furnishing the house. We put together different areas of the house as best as we can. Right now we are saving up for a nice dining room table, and nicer sofas for the TV room. I think the only rooms which are about 90% done are the bedrooms, office and the garage. (the garage wasn’t too hard to get done. We just painted the walls and installed shelves to put all the junk we didn’t want in the house!)


5. Is there any habit you can’t stand about each other?
His burping. I can never stand his spontaneous burps. He burps after drinking soda or after a meal. I’m also having a hard time dealing with his habit of caring plates of snacks around the house and leave the plates and cups randomly spread out around the house. The one habit that Gerard can’t stand about me is my neurotic control-freak self. He says I get too intense and I’m dramatic about little things. He’s spontaneous and I prefer to have e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g planed! So he hates when I freak out when things don’t turn out as planned.


6. Any plans for children?
Gosh, no! Not yet and probably not anytime soon. Work keeps us busy and truthfully we haven’t even discussed that possibility. We both want children at some point in our life, just not right now.


7. You both seem to be pretty successful, Is there any power struggle in our marriage? 
Sometimes we argue over money issues. We both try and do the best in our jobs and sometimes our ego gets in the way of wanting to be the person that makes the most money. But most of the time we are ok with the amount each other brings in. I like saving, while Gerry likes getting the money and spending it. So we argue a lot in that aspect.


8. You married your best friend for the wrong reasons and yet you think you are in a successful marriage? It’s blasphemy and sacrilegious what you have done.
Ok, so this wasn’t a question, but I get comments like this a-l-o-t! At first those comments bothered me and made me feel horrible. However, I don’t completely believe we got married for the ‘wrong’ reasons or that we don’t have a good marriage (so far). I’ll quote what http://marriage.lifetips.com once wrote: “Research suggests that successful marriages have the following six components: appreciation and affection, commitment, positive communication, time together, spiritual well-being, and the ability to cope with the stress and crisis.” Indeed no marriage is 100% perfect. Or at least I haven’t seen any marriage like that. I’d like to believe that what Gerard and I have is a positive thing. We are close and honest with one another.


9. Do you and Gerry really always agree on stuff? 
No! In fact I think there is a lot we don’t always agree on. I don’t write everything we agree or disagree on. We have learned to pick our battles and let some things slide. We’re still learning. We may have been close friends for 3 years, but once we started living together we learned A LOT more about each other. (skeleton in the closets and all…)


10. Do you have time out in your marriage?
Errr… I guess? We argue and try and fix it in that moment. If we do have time-outs, it’s not done consciously. Lol. I’ve never understood the concept of “honey, I’m really angry at you and I can see you are angry at me. Let’s take a break and come back to this argument later.” I think Gerard and I prefer to talk it out immediately instead of prolonging the argument. Time-outs might work with certain arguments, but not all of them.


11. Is there anything your in-laws do that bug you? 
Up until now….no, not really. This year they have kind of let us be on our own and not intervene too much. I’ll probably come back to this question later because I was thinking of something my mother-in-law does that bugs me! But now I can’t what it was…





TOP 10 FAQ! I’ll have a part II later. I get a lot of questions I couldn't upload them all here at the same time! :)  But I think it will be fun to have them in Parts. 


Hope you enjoyed!


Xoxo
Desirae

LiveJournal Tags: frequently,asked,questions,question,doubts,marriage,real,fake,challenges,love,Gerard,Desirae,tips,children,house,how,did,we,meet,short,answers,part,one

Details Still Mean EVERYTHING to me

I am a sucker for details.
Small details melt my heart.

We just got back from a  dinner with a group of friends. There were five other couples at the table.  I got off work late because I had to deal with some late parent-teacher conferences. Then I had to run to a copy-place and get some copies of an activity my student will be doing. By the time I got to the restaurant Gerry was  there.

I'm such a romantic or corny person... But Gerard did something that melted my heart. 
He paid for my drink. Everyone else ordered food, but since I had just eatten dinner before arriving for the get-together I didn't order anything. 
It was just a 3dollar refill soda drink. But the fact that he told me to "hush" while everyone was adding up the bill and dividing the total amount so he could pay for my drink, was just very touching to me. 
It wasn't a harsh or negative "hush", it was a "Don't worry about it. I'll pay for it." 

I'm completely melt with small details like that. 

Even though we are married, and there have been plenty of times when he has paid for "my" things, I'm still very stubborn about it. I have always considered myself to be a very independent woman. I like being able to pay for my own things. I'm not one to "ask" to be pampered or "expect" the man to pay for everything. 
Like I said before, I've had negative experiences with men. I learned to not trust or depend on them. So when a guy like Gerard comes around and does small things like that. (which people take for granted sometimes) it really moves me. 

small details like 
A smile from him after a long day at work or school 
A surprise message to say "Good morning" or "Good night" Or "I was just thinking about you." 
Paying for my drink 
A hug 
Holding my hand 
Opening the door for me 

random, small details like that mean a lot to me. 

Tonight was just cute...romantic. 
Details are important to me.  
You know how some people say that even though they have been married for many that there are still things that surprise them about their better half? Well tonight was something like that. Such a small detail and it meant the world to me. Such a small detail that soo many people seem to take for granted. Thank you.

Random thought of the day.. :P 

xoxo 
Desirae

Time passes by so fast

It's been awhile since I last wrote.
I know it's been too long.
My job has kept me busy. I've started a new school year as a teacher.
I am delighted with my job.
I am also working on a new story. A novel. My deadline is the first
week of November so I'm doing my best to write as fast as I can and
get it done.
My new students are very nice. I'm teaching tenth grade.
There are a couple new teachers in the school. I'm just getting to
know them.
Alexander is still around. He is a lot of fun to talk with.
Sometimes I can see that Gerry seems jealous of the way Alex looks at
me.
He and Bryce broke up about a month ago. That had Gerry very upset and
he fell into a deep depression. It took me a week to get him out of
the house and mingling.
That's actually a long story be I guess I will get back to that later
It is late and I need to be up by 6am.
I'll write more later.
Xoxo
Desirae

Changes

Today I donated my long hair to the Cancer society. I went to the hairdresser and had the young woman cut my waist-length hair. I haven’t my hair this short since I was in elementary school. The woman put my hair in a pony-tail and cut it at the beginning of the rubber band. It’s such a different look. It isn’t very stylish because I need it to let it grow a little longer so that when they cut it again it’s not too short.
When Gerry saw me I wasn’t sure what he thought. He kind of just stared at me trying to take in my new look. He simply said “You look different.” He’s always known me with long hair and used to tell me how much he loved it. My hair has always been my pride and I won’t lie, it was hard to give it up. But putting vanity aside, I feel good that some kid with cancer will have the chance of getting a wig made out of my hair. Besides I know my hair will grow back.
My family or friends haven’t seen with short hair yet. I wonder what they will think. Personally, I kind of feel like a soccer mom or like an older, more professional individual.
I wonder if I’ll end up keeping this look or if I’ll let my hair grow out again.

Anyway, I just wanted to offer a small update. :)

I’ll write soon again.

Xoxo
Desirae

Publishing of Second Novel Delayed

Dear Blog
So just a few quick updates, I feel kind of bad for neglecting my blog. I don’t get the opportunity to get online as much as before.
I am still sick with the stomach flu. Bummer!! But I don’t feel as bad today as I have the previous days.
The major updates:
1) Last year I started getting offers about the publishing of my second novel. But then it got delayed because I needed to make some changes. I’ll be addressing those changes…
2) Called in for a job interview on Monday afternoon

3) Gerard having two big reunions at work and having me join him.
4) My agent calling me to tell me that my second novel is in the final stage of revision and editing. She also said that next month they are going to start placing some copies in small stores to see how people react to it.
5) And of course, me getting sick and pretty much laying in bed today…ugh!
Friday evening my parents and I went out for dinner so I could tell me the details of my second novel. Since this time I looks like the novel is going to get published in small bookstores before anything major.
I am really excited and also very nervous because this isn’t my usual fiction novel. This book is based off of a memoir I wrote during my Junior High School Years. I dealt with bullying and humiliation. There are happy chapters and heart-breaking chapters. It is probably one of the strongest narratives I’ve ever written. I changed the name of the school, teachers and classmates to respect their privacy. My objective when writing the book wasn’t to “burn” them, but to give a small insight of the horror of bullying. And show the readers, who have suffered from harassment that things get better. Life isn’t always how it was in Junior High school and although I would never want to relive it, the harm my classmates did to me, made me a stronger person.
My parents and close friends are proud of me for writing the book and expressing almost everything that I went though. It was a huge load off my back to express myself.

In college Gerard once met one of my old bullies; Freddy. He was so mad at Fred for the humiliation he’d caused me in Junior High/High School. He wanted to kick his butt, but I told Gerry it wasn’t even worth it. At the age of 16-18 kids aren’t smart enough to know how much harm their words or actions can do…

When I was sixteen I had never danced with a guy, so I was excited at the opportunity to dance with someone at my Sweet Sixteenth birthday party. At the time I had a big crush on Fred, so I was overjoyed when he offered to be my escort and dance with me at my birthday.
The day before my party he stood me up. He said he didn’t want anyone to see him dancing with me. I wasn’t pretty enough for him.
A month later during a party at a classmate’s house he got drunk. (Kids start drinking so young these days…its sad.) Everyone was outside on the patio dancing and the music was so loud you could barely talk. I was in the kitchen refilling my soda when he walked in. There wasn’t anyone else around. He smiled sluggerishly at me and cornered me in the pantry. For a moment, I thought he was going to kiss me. Instead his drunken self groped me. Nothing major happened, just forceful touching and music so loud no one heard me cry. But at the time, he was the popular kid and no one would have believed me.
I never told my parents (until now that the book may come out) and it took me years before I let a guy hug me.
Junior High School prom night everyone got awards; beautiful smile, prom queen, prom king, best athlete, etc. Fred walked up to be and gave me the award for “The Ugliest Girl in the Generation.” My whole classmates clapped. I ran out of there and never looked back…
The only person who I told all this to was Gerard. I don’t know why, but one afternoon it all just came out. We talked for hours. It’s funny how he was a gentleman about it and helped me get over a lot of insecurities I had around guys.
I never told my parents everything bad that happened to me in Junior High and High School…but now that the book is coming out and they are going to read it I guess they’ll find out everything.
I thought about how close to my heart the book was and I realized that I had to tell Gerry about the book coming out.
So when he got home I spoke with him about it. We sat outside on the front steps, I told him about the call I got from my agent. I told him about the book coming out and everything that was in the book; my memories told through a story of a young girl.
I knew he wouldn't act as excited as I would have wanted him too. But he smiled and hugged me.
“Rae, I’m so proud of you…” then he did something I didn’t expect. While hugging me he started jumping up and down and saying “you’re getting a second book published!! You’re going to be famous! I am so happy for you!!”
He was honestly thrilled for me and that made me even more excited!!!
The evening ended just perfect.

Later I got a call-back from the school my agent recommended. They want to see me Monday for an interview. I have my fingers crossed. This school would be a good place to work at! It isn’t very far from the house and the pay is decent. The teaching hours would also work well with my school hours.
Earlier this week we had the business dinner at an elegant restaurant. I haven’t attended dinners like that before. It’s very awkward. The wives chat with each other, but it feels like we are there as an additional table decoration. The men discuss work and projects, we smile and nod. Speaking when addressed to. It seems very…boring? Formal? Dry? I don’t know what word I’m looking for.
The strangest thing happened though. The conversation drifted to the fact that Gerry were newlyweds and the other ladies questioned me about our honeymoon and the wedding reception. (I felt bad we weren’t able to invite more of his co-workers to the wedding, but he had told me he wasn’t very close to them.)
I told them about the beautiful church we had booked and the decoration at the reception. Girl-stuff…but while I was talking to them Gerard excused himself from the table. I imagined he was leaving to use the restroom, but instead he walked around the table to my side. (We were sitting across from each other) and joked with the ladies asking why they were filling my mind with expensive wedding ideas when we were already married. He leaned in and kissed me. But it wasn’t a quick kiss; it was a deep, take-your-breath-away kiss. I was flustered when he pulled away and it took me a second to regain my train of thought. He’d never kissed me like that before.
I didn’t question him about it. I guess it was part of the show…or maybe…?
I one read or heard that gay men can be turned on by what women wear. I was wearing a pale purple dress, but I didn’t think it was a “show-stopper”. Haha…
Anyway, this update has been going on long enough!!
Two nights ago I had another dinner with his co-workers. This time it was a house and it wasn’t as formal as the previous one ( nothing romantic happened). We mingled and had a nice time. I wasn’t feeling well that morning, but Gerard begged me to come with him. He says his co-workers and boss enjoy talking with me. So I took Tylenol to suppress my headache and nausea and went with him.
I should have known better… by the time we came home I was so sick I would barely see straight. Every smell had me feeling nauseous and my head felt like it was going to explode.
I rested in bed a bit, but mostly did work around the house. Gerry called to make sure I was ok.
Very sweet of him.
SO I think that brings us up to date a bit! Haha
This was a long but extremely summed up version of what has been happening!!
Fingers crossed that I have a successful interview !!
Xoxo
Desirae


ps. Pictures coming soon. I just need to regain my natural color. Green doesn't suite me. hahhaa Was that too gross?
ps. (added later)  NO! I’m not pregnant! LOL… geez!

My Head Is Killing Me_ 70 Days Till Wedding

My

Head

Is

Killing

Me.

I'm so worked up between my part time job and trying to finish my thesis...

Good news today is that the tickets for the honeymoon came in the mail this afternoon. I came home and found the envelope on the kitchen table. Our honeymoon will be two weeks visiting Europe. Gerard has been to various places in Europe since he was in High School. I have never been to Europe. I used to joke with him that for my honeymoon (or when I was a Best Seller author) I would travel to Europe. My novels are selling well, but I still have awhile to go. :)

He loves traveling, but more than traveling he enjoys being able to come back to a “home”. I enjoy hearing his adventures while traveling and I look forward to having him take me on a tour through Europe.

Speaking of traveling... his flight came in this morning. His father picked him up from the airport. The business sent him two weeks to New York to work on a project. I couldn’t go pick him up, I had an early class in the morning. Besides, I’m not sure I want to see him yet. Before he left we had a huge fight. I will most likely write about it later. My headache is too bad to have to add on the memories of that fight.

Sometimes we are both so stubborn…

Along with the wonderful envelope with our honeymoon tickets, I found a notice from the Real Estate reminding us to put down another payment for the house.

Our little love nest.

LOL.

We’d be living in a house that we both have been working to pay off. The house is two stories high with three bedrooms (On a regular base: one for guests, one for me and one for the couple. On a fake bases: One guest room, one craft room, our room), 3 and a half bathrooms, kitchen, living room, garage, etc.

The house is on a friendly little neighborhood, but luckily all the houses are spread out. No one will really notices that we might pull off a “Me, You and Dupree”. (reference to the movie.)

One of the agreement is, that a third of his salary is to help around the house, (he pays for a few of my “wife”-privileges, such as taking me out the movies, or paying the water, gas and light bill, etc. the other part of his salary is for him and his lover (or boyfriend, I’m not sure which is the better term. to enjoy.) I also take one third of my pay check and put it into the house. The other part is for me to enjoy and put away for any “future” family members.

Future family members…we never spoke of that really…I wonder if he’ll want kids with me…I wonder how we’ll have children…

I think it’s still too early to think of such things.

I can’t stand my brain anymore. I’m going to bed.

XOXO

Desirae

A Day with Bryce_ 71 Days Till Wedding

Dear Blog

I love Mondays. I don’t have any classes on Mondays this semester! Since I´m due to graduate December 3^rd, I have fewer classes. (but that doesn’t mean they aren’t as difficult). Yesterday was a very eventful day with Bryce.

I love going shopping with him because he seems to know where the best shops are. He also understands my style better than Gerard. We weren’t able to find a dress, but we did find a beautiful wedding shop that designs dresses. I had not really considered designing my own dress. I guess I’m lazy that way. I wanted to find my perfect wedding dress hanging in some shop just waiting for me. But Husband #2 (our pen name for Bryce), proved me wrong.

After looking in about 4 different shops, Bryce told me he was going to take me to the best shop he knew.

“I can guarantee that you will find your wedding dress there.” He said as he dragged me downtown. “It is the best spot to shop. My co-worker said she got her dress there. I saw pictures of the dress and it was stunning.”

“What about the prices?” I asked.

“They are reasonable.”

I didn’t believe him, but he had been such a trooper by going all over town with me and watching me try on endless amounts of dresses. I knew he wouldn’t lead me to a shop that wasn’t up to the standards.

As soon as we pulled into the parking lot I saw about 4 dresses hanging in the window that I loved. They were original, unique and different from what I’d seen before. I was out of the car and pressing myself against the window in no time.

“Oh! Bryce! Look at the dress! Isn’t it beautiful?” I pointed at a dress that had embroidered white roses long the edge. The top part of the dress was striking, but was a halter top. (Goner…) “Oh! Look at that dress! I love the veil!” I pointed a plain white dress that gathered in the back and had a lacy veil with swirls of pearls. I continued to walk along the window staring in at the different dresses and pulling Bryce along.

“Desiree, you know that you can actually go inside, right?” he said jokingly with me.

“What is this place?” I asked as I walked in. We were greeted by a woman in a beige suit. She was holding a small tray with a little white notebook that had a wedding dress design on it. The notebook came with a black pen that was decorated in a little black suit.

“Hello! Welcome to “Brides and Dresses”. All the dresses you see are one of a kind.” She handed Bryce and I a notebook with a pen. “These are dresses designed by designer students that want to specialize in wedding dresses. Please feel free to look around the store and try on any dress you like. If you see a design that calls your attention then write down the number of the dress to that we may help you design your perfect dress.”

I looked over at Bryce who seemed to be glowing with pride. He had found my perfect wedding shop. We walked around the shop and I tried on a couple dresses, but none of them looked as nice on me as I wanted. I kept writing down in the notebook ideas that I had for my dress. Soon, I had a small sketch of how I wanted my dress. We walked up to the young woman to ask if we could get a quote on how much it could cost to design my dress.

“When is your wedding?” the young woman asked.

“In two months.” I answered. “In 71 days to be exact.”

“Wow, congratulations!”

“Is it possible to create a dress from an original design in that short of time?” Bryce asked.

“It is cutting it close, but it isn’t impossible. Creating the dress and having it ready on time really depends on the design. It depends on all the details. Do you have an idea of how you would like your dress to be?”

I showed her my sketch and told her what pieces I liked from the other designs. She excused herself for a second to call the designer department. I was nervous that perhaps they would say it wasn’t possible to accomplish in such a short time.

“My supervisor says we can have the dress done in two weeks. Most of the extra design, such as the embroidery can be done within a month. But before we go into such details, we need to make sure the dress fits.”

“Are you saying that if all goes well the whole dress could be done within a month?” I asked in shock.

“Yes, ma’m.”

“Wow, I’ll definitely take it. However I do have one more question. How much will it cost?”

I’m not going to tell you the price she said, because you would not believe me. It was, as Bryce said, a very, very reasonable price. I would have paid at least a couple of hundred bucks more than what they were asking.

So I got the dress. They took my measurements there, so that in two weeks (October 22^nd.) I can go back for a fitting. I’m excited to see how it will look. I can’t wait to bring my mom with me next time so she can see the dress.

I know she was a bit disappointed that she wasn’t able to come with me today. She went to Laredo, Texas to pick up the mail. Our mail box has been getting filled since I am still getting RSVP’s to the wedding.

Bryce drove me to my house and I invited him in to hang out some more. I heated up some cups of hot water to make instant coco. Autumn weather has started, every night is cold. I figured something warm would keep our spirits up. He sat at the kitchen table watching me jump up and down from excitement.”I got a dress! I got a dress!” I kept singing. He laughed and turned on the TV. An elaborate commercial about Halloween Sales was playing.

“Do you remember the first time I came to your house?” he asked.

“Yes, of course. It was at New Year’s Eve last year. I had a wonderful time. Normally I hate the celebration of New Year’s, but that time I loved it. Plus, you taught me to dance.” I said, handing him his hot drink.

“I had a great time too. I was thinking that maybe we should take a dance class together…”

“That would be lovely…”

I had always been a terrible dancer…and I used to think it was due to my weight. But last year, Bryce taught me that it wasn´t my weight that kept me from dancing, it was my fear of making a fool out of myself…

DIARY ENTRY #14

January 1^st,

11:00am

Dear Diary

LAST NIGHT WAS A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!! Everyone came over to the house. Gerard and Bryce showed up early to help me decorate. They even brought music to brighten up my day. I have always been a bum when it comes to celebrating New Years eve. I don’t like celebrating the start of a new year, I have never seen any sense it in. Each year always seems to be uneventful. Last year however ended amazingly and this year started even more amazingly!!

My classmates showed up around ten o’clock and hung out at the house until about one in the morning. Gerard drank himself into a very happy and friendly stage, while Bryce remained the sober designated driver. I was busy playing hostess and staying away from the “dance floor”, when Bryce came to find me. He told me to relax and enjoy the party.

“I’m only seeing you run around everywhere trying to please everyone. Relax and enjoy your party. Come out and dance a bit.”

I shook my head and told him I preferred to watch the dancing. “I can’t dance.”

“That’s nonsense. I am sure you are a very good dancer. Weren’t you in dance classes when you were younger?” he asked.

“I was in folkloric dancing and hip hop years ago. But I got kicked out of the schools.” I said. “I couldn’t keep up.”

“Well, today is your lucky night. I feel like dancing and you are going to be my partner. My boyfriend, your fiancée, is too drunk to dance, and I’m not going to start the new year without having one last dance.”

He dragged me out of the kitchen and into the living room where everyone was dancing. He told me to ‘feel’ the music and sway with it. I tried it and I felt like a stiff robot. I could tell by his face that I was doing something wrong. “Wait.” he said. He held his hands out for me and started spinning me around, pulling and pushing me towards him. It was a very dizzy kind of fun dance. My feet started moving at their own rhythm. (and I only stepped on his feet a couple of times.) My friends started clapping as we danced together and I felt like free. The radio in the other room caught our attention. The countdown for the New Year was about to begin. We grabbed our little cup with twelve grapes and started the countdown.

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Happy New Year Everyone!!

Bryce and Gerard both caught me in a big huge. “Happy New Year Desiree”.

I don’t think the New Year could have started any better. I felt loved and being embraced by my two best friends was the greatest way to start the year… I may not have the perfect weight, but I have two amazing friends that keep trying to make me fearless to the smallest things in life… ] END OF DIARY ENTRY #14

I have lost a lot of weight since then. I obviously had to for the wedding. I’m healthier, and in a way, I always hoped that by losing the extra weight Gerard would find me more attractive. But to my disappointment, he still looks at me the same way. I shouldn’t complain, I would probably still love him and look at him the same way if he gained weight…

My dancing hasn’t improved, but I feel lucky knowing that there is someone out there willing to dance with me, even when I make a complete fool of myself.

I think I might take up Bryce’s offer about signing up for dance classes. Gerard is an excellent dancer, but he doesn’t ever have the time to teach me. We get desperate with each other when it comes to dancing. I’m not sure we are going to dance at our wedding reception… I wonder if it would look bad to dance with the Best-Man? Lol.

XOXO

Desiree

Some diary entry parts have been edited, removed or slightly changed so that I may keep some privacy.

Nevertheless don’t doubt that much of what is written here is 95% in it’s original form.