Hypothetically Speaking…What if…?

Dear Blog
I am sitting in the eating area typing because while Gerry watches TV in the other room. I should be grading my students month exams, but I think my mind is still chewing on the conversation that Gerry and I just had.
We were sitting on the couch together watching a movie on the TNT channel. I was looking around the room, observing ‘our’ things; the sofa, the desk, the knickknacks, the carpet, the small table in the middle of the room, etc. A curious thought popped into my head.
“Gerry…” I said.
He answered with a grunt while his eyes stayed glued to the TV.
“I know its still very early in our relationship, but have you ever thought about what would happen if this didn’t work out?”
This caught his attention and he shifted to look at me. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, have you ever thought that in the future you might want to get a divorce and marry someone else?” I could see a rather dazzled and confused look in his eye.
“Why are you asking that? Where is this coming from?” he asked. “I have not thought at all about the future of this relationship. I take it day by day. I haven’t even gotten used to the idea of “us” being married.” He stared at me and then continued  “Are you having second thoughts?”
“No, no I’m not having second thoughts at all. I guess I was just curious…” I suddenly felt uncomfortable by blurring out my thoughts.
“What is on your mind?”
“Nothing really.”
“Are you sure?”
“I think that by looking around our house, I see that there are pieces still missing and in a sense it feels incomplete. As if it was empty or waiting to be packed up again.  It reminds me of all those arguments my parents used to have…”
“You’re talking about all those fights they had when they wanted to get a divorce?”
“Yes.”
“Look Rae, I know that was hard for you. But in the end they stayed together. Things were hard and uncertain for awhile with you. I remember your teary midnight phone calls. It was very hard for you. However things worked out for them, they got therapy and stayed married.”
“But…”
“But if you would like to discuss the “hypothetic situation, the what if…” we can talk about it.”
“I just need to express that, If in the future, you want out or I want out we know what might happen.”
“Sure.” He leaned closer to me and hugged me. “So, if we got a divorce who get’s this sofa?”
“You Do!! It’s your sofa and it’s the worst thing in this house…” I answered jokingly.
“Deal. That’s all I want…” He turned the TV on mute. “What do you want?”
“I would like for things to be divided equally. Whatever I buy is mine and whatever you buy is yours. Everything in my room comes with me. Everything in your room goes with you. Whatever we bought together or for the house gets sold and we split the earnings. The house gets sold and we split the earnings as well.”
“Seems like you have given this a lot of thought…”
“I really haven’t thought about it much. It is just that I went through the heartbreak of watching my parents walk through the house yelling at each other and then going through the drawls and grabbing things, saying ‘this is mine’  or ‘that’s mine’…. I hated that. I hated the possession of things they bought together or for each other. I hated the fighting. “
“I promise that if this arraignment ever has to end, we will discuss it calmly. As heartbreaking as it may be, we will do things equally. Honestly above everything. Right?”
“Yes….Thank you.”
He put his arm around my shoulder and said “stop thinking such negative things. We’ve only been married three months.”

I don’t know what made me think of this. I guess it was just a random thought. But its nice to know that he took it serious. It is nice to know that I can count on him.
We have said it before, but our relationship has always had to be based on honestly. Even if it hurts. No lies, no disguise.
Now I better get back to checking my students exams.

till next time
XOXO
Desirae

Cliché---Wind beneth my wings.

Its midnight and I just got back from a nice dinner with friends. A former literature classmate, Grace, had her birthday party dinner tonight. She organized it all today and amazingly every one of our friends was able to attend. 
The celebration took place in small bar. I’m not much of an alcohol drinker. (Since I don’t drink much or often I am an easy drunk. Haha) I prefer a simple soda. It’s hard for me to admit sometimes, but the only alcoholic drinks I’ll actually consume are the mixed drinks that Gerard makes for me. I trust him and since the first moment we met he knew exactly how much I was able to hold in my system before getting silly. 

Tonight however it felt weird getting together with “our” friends without Gerry there. He texted me when he arrived to his destination. He was visiting an out of town designer that lives/works 2hrs away from here. He drove up and will be back tomorrow. I forward the text to Bryce so he would also be updated. While talking on the phone I mentioned the birthday party and he offered to accompany me. I couldn’t have been more thrilled!! He is great company and it’s nice to have someone else to talk too. Most of my friends usually bring their boyfriends and the evening starts with everyone interacting, but an hour later everyone is just talking with their boyfriends. I would have felt uncomfortable sitting alone. 
Bryce and I met at the restaurant that evening. He’s just gotten off work and was wearing his black pants with a blue checkered shirt. He looked professional and older than his actual age, 25. 
I wore my favorite brown V top with just one shoulder, my favorite skinny jeans along with brown high heels. I was feeling very attractive. 
Bryce’s first comment when he saw me was “You look hot.” That was such a compliment! I’m sure I blushed. He sat next to me during the entire evening and we talked about everything going on in our lives. He does one thing that used to bother me, but now I’m used to it. He runs his fingers through my long hair. Gerry does that a lot; he was the one that started it. I didn’t mind it at all when it came to him doing that. But when Bryce started I felt a bit uncomfortable, as if he was “stealing” Gerry’s “move”. Haha . Now I don’t realize it and I allow my wild insecure imagination to go free elsewhere. 

There are very few gestures that I allow Gerry to do and no one else. I'll mention at least two.. 
1) Kisses on the forehead….ugh! I hated them until Gerry did it once and it was actually comforting. He does that once in awhile and it no longer bothers me. 
2) Have someone put their arm around me--- Since I was about 9 years old I’ve had tumors come out on different parts of my body. Mainly my back and arms. I’ve had more than 12 surgeries to extract them. Luckily none of them are dangerous. Unfortunately my skin scars easily so I have lines and scares all over my back and upper arm. I have a slash on the left side of my neck. For years I never wore short sleeves or halters. I was always covered up. I didn’t want anyone to touch or see me. Then Gerry came along and somehow my scars disappeared with him. 
Sometimes Bryce has that same effect in giving my confidence where I lack it… 
But anyway, I’m not going into that subject of my insecurity. It’s too long and complicated and I don’t feel like writing about today. Through the good days and bad days, I have a nice support team. I am here for them and they are there for me. 

Back at the party Bryce and I congratulated Grace on her birthday and then found out there was another reason for the celebration. She’d gotten engaged over the weekend! I’m very happy for her. She’s been in a relationship with her boyfriend, currently fiancé, since they were 17 years old. Now six years later he’s taking her to the altar! Her wedding is going to be huge and glamorous. Its fun to see my other friends getting married and planning a future with their loved ones. 
I know my moment will be coming sooner than I know it. I guess seeing Grace plan her future got Bryce thinking about how lucky we seem to have it. 


I hear a couple remarks from friend telling me it looked wrong that I went to a party with my husband's Best Man. but then I have to remind them that Bryce was also my best friend. 
However I did think about it and maybe next time I'll invite a gal friend, just so there aren't any unwanted rumors.


xoxo
Desirae

Embarrassing Memory---20 Days Till Wedding

I thought I'd share what happened a few minutes ago.
I was on the phone with Gerard and somehow the conversation came up of how we first knew we liked each other (in a friendship way).

I remember enjoying his company from the first moment I met him. He was funny, outgoing and he was pushy when it came to be my friend. He looked for me and invited me to group parties.
What I didn't know was the reason he did all this was due to a comment I'd made a couple weeks after we first met during first semester of college.

During first semester I had a small part time job as a secondary writer coming up with phrases for special occacion cards. (The company I worked for was like a Mexican Hallmark.) Gerry overheard me talking with a friend about a recent phrase I'd come up with and it was a huge hit.

"Oh Romeo baby, you're so hot that if my lips were chocolate they would melt with your kiss."

Till this day, that phrase is the most embarrasing corny quote I've ever written. hahaha
But the card producers loved it and I got a nice paycheck from it.

Gerry says that once he heard me say that stupid corny quote he knew that I was a funny person and he wanted to get to know me better. (At first glance I'm very serious and shy. A lot of people misunderstand me as being stuck up...and Gerard thought that at first, but once he heard what I wrote, he laughed and was determined to get to know me.)

So thanks to a corny kid phrase I wrote for a Valentine's card Gerry liked me.
I'm laughing as I write this. I can't believe it...
So thats an embarrasing memory that has somehow become a special moment in time and I will treasure it...but I'm never telling my kids.

xoxo
Desirae